tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49565867872744830512024-03-12T18:06:42.641-07:00KWu MonoblogueKWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comBlogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-40229620403439019392021-08-08T13:39:00.001-07:002021-08-10T08:43:32.895-07:00Maternity for Engineers: Organizing baby and kid clothes<p>A few months ago, I re-did our baby and kid clothing organization system and it's much easier to use now! This is most likely to be applicable to folks who get a lot of hand-me-downs, or are trying to save clothes from older kids for younger kids.</p><p>My first tip is to <b>group together clothes first by type, <i>then</i> age</b>. Originally I tried to keep all the clothes with the same age/size range on the label together, but that got unwieldy to keep organized when either the top half or the bottom half of a particular child grew at different rates. When I went searching for something, I'd always be thinking "I need a hat" or "I need a coat" and only then trying to figure out the right size. Plus, a lot of the sizes on the labels are just total lies anyway so it's helpful to have items of the same type grouped together so you can compare directly and go a little bigger or a little smaller if needed.</p>These are the categories I have:<br /><ul><li>Top: further subdivided into short-sleeves and long-sleeves as separated from each other but still grouped together by size. Also includes onesies and t-shirts, though note that I pretty much got rid of all t-shirts at sizes below 2T because I prefer not worrying about tops riding up.</li><li>Bottoms: similarly subdivided by shorts and pants but still grouped together by size overall, as this is really about waist/butt size</li><li>Footed onesies: we <i>love</i> these and never distinguish between daytime clothes or pajamas for our kids, all clothes are comfortable enough to sleep in and it reduces hassle. If you love cute kid clothes you should indulge it! But it's not necessary imo--I mean why not take advantage of a time when it's socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day, every day, and have everyone think it's really cute?!</li><li>Outerwear</li><li>Shoes and accessories, both winter and summer (hats, mittens, swimwear, socks)</li><li>Sleepsacks</li><li>Special occasion: for example we have a white leggings/cardigan set as part of a baptism outfit</li><li>Newborn: ok this violates clothing by type but all the newborn stuff is <i>so</i> tiny and no longer used in the blink of an eye, so it seemed easier to have one storage bag for all those and then start diving by type for the 0-3m size range and up</li><li>Cloth diapers/burp cloths</li><li>Feeding apparatus: suction plates, baby spoons, mesh feeders, etc.</li><li>Breastfeeding supplies: pump, bottles, nursing covers, sterilizing bags, pump parts</li><li>Baby blankets and transportation textiles: carriers/wraps, stroller blanket bags</li></ul><div>Speaking of sizes, one quick tip is any of the clothes that you discover are really egregiously the wrong size, just write the actual size on the tag with a Sharpie. Or just know that, for example, the white Gerber onesies we would sometimes use as undershirts were always at least a full size range too small, so they should just always be put with the next size down.</div><div><br /></div><div>As always directed by our patron saint Marie Kondo, if there are any types of clothing that you never reached for with your older kid because they didn't spark joy (you just didn't like them), set them free and donate! Baby gift givers seem to tend to remember specific clothing items in less detail than "oh it was cute and cheap" and if somehow the question does ever come up of "what happened to ____," there's a very easy out that it got too stained by a blowout or puke to be usable again.</div><div><br /></div><div>Wherever you store the kid clothes that are currently in use, I recommend having at least an outbox for clothing and possibly also the box that has the next size up (inbox). This can just be shoeboxes or baskets in a closet or up on a higher shelf since you're not necessarily reaching for these each day. It's helpful to have a designated spot for the "oh these are too small now" clothes near where you dress your kids and go through that realization. Similarly, it's convenient to have the next batch of clothing to be used right there, even if you store the next few sizes up elsewhere. It's easier to dress a baby in slightly oversized clothing than undersized clothing. An outbox/inbox system makes it less overwhelming to try to keep up with the organization when you have to "graduate" a size of clothing every few months or so.</div><div><br /></div><div>Speaking of storage, these are the products I use for the clothes:</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><a href="https://amzn.to/3ytvqUu">Ziploc Space Bag Flat Medium</a> (Amazon affiliate link): I haven't actually used a vacuum with these, I mostly just make sure to put a notecard with a label for the bag contents and then kneel on the bags to squeeze out air as I zip it shut. This size is mainly useful because it fits well in with the storage totes, like files in a filing cabinet.<br /></li><li><a href="https://www.target.com/p/sterilite-66qt-clearview-latch-box-clear-with-purple-latches/-/A-13794509">Sterilite 66qt ClearView Latch Box Clear</a>: these are not always the sturdiest but they stack well overall and you can see into them. I'll use painter's tape on a consistent side of these bins to label the contents as well.</li><li><a href="https://www.target.com/p/5-tier-wide-wire-shelf-black-made-by-design-8482/-/A-53117314">5 Tier Wide Wire Shelf - Made By Design</a>: these are the most cost-effective shelving of this type that I found between Target/The Container Store/Home Depot/Ikea etc. These will fit two of the 66qt Sterilite bins side-by-side, with a slight overhang in front of and behind the shelf, but manageably so. I did a lot of calculations to try to get a good bin and shelf size combo and this is what I landed on. There are fancier systems if you really want to get into it for your garage or basement, but this seemed good enough for now.</li></ul><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://amzn.to/3ytvqUu" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="964" data-original-width="500" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-C3I_fc0n-8o/YRA_Tz-kYdI/AAAAAAAA778/Ez4e_U6gJqwjfYhEvximWABWtPhi6AbuwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/ziploc.jpg" width="166" /></a><a href="https://www.target.com/p/sterilite-66qt-clearview-latch-box-clear-with-purple-latches/-/A-13794509" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1400" data-original-width="1400" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1E0mSoxHX7M/YRA_V076dMI/AAAAAAAA78A/pp9w0J4q-hECjutDtoXvB-bUmcQSZ-hKQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/storage.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.target.com/p/5-tier-wide-wire-shelf-black-made-by-design-8482/-/A-53117314" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1400" data-original-width="1400" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rOs7azwfMYI/YRA_XpVCtLI/AAAAAAAA78E/Aq9_PCPSdnE8xhOQETONJLxn9xxMhcMZQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/shelf.webp" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div></div><p></p>KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-19847057085370420642020-10-22T11:23:00.002-07:002020-10-23T08:30:21.531-07:00Secrets of a Stealth Mentee<p>This talk was presented as a 30 minute talk at RubyConf 2018.</p><p>Abstract:<br />Your dream mentor is right around the corner, but they don't need to know that! In this talk, you’ll discover how to find and work with the great mentors you deserve. You’ll learn how to extract insights tailored to you and to keep the great advice coming. The best part? You can use these strategies even if you're not in a formal mentorship program. Maybe you don’t even know what you want right now, and that’s ok! You can still receive mentorship to help you identify and grow into the next stage of your career. We don’t have to wait to be chosen--let’s help others help us.</p><div><br /></div>
<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/aNnBowC-2ds" width="560"></iframe><br />
Slides:<br />
<script async="" class="speakerdeck-embed" data-id="83483b28b5174726a1c41b8b24e047ea" data-ratio="1.77777777777778" src="//speakerdeck.com/assets/embed.js"></script><br /><br />
Resources:<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>articles on reaching out to people</li>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://cate.blog/2015/11/23/advice-mentors-and-questionably-helpful-emails">https://cate.blog/2015/11/23/advice-mentors-and-questionably-helpful-emails</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.inc.com/alison-green/when-your-mentor-wont-respond-to-your-emails.html">https://www.inc.com/alison-green/when-your-mentor-wont-respond-to-your-emails.html</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.elle.com/culture/career-politics/a22521435/black-women-talk-tech-mentorship-questions">https://www.elle.com/culture/career-politics/a22521435/black-women-talk-tech-mentorship-questions</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.beleaderly.com/ask-jo-whats-the-best-way-to-approach-a-mentor">http://www.beleaderly.com/ask-jo-whats-the-best-way-to-approach-a-mentor</a> </li>
<li><a href="https://daedtech.com/how-to-write-emails-people-wont-respond-to-give-them-homework">https://daedtech.com/how-to-write-emails-people-wont-respond-to-give-them-homework</a> </li>
</ul>
<li>more articles</li>
<ul><li><a href="https://cate.blog/2014/04/16/sponsors-mentors-and-allies">https://cate.blog/2014/04/16/sponsors-mentors-and-allies</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.effectiveengineer.com/blog/secret-to-effective-one-on-ones">http://www.effectiveengineer.com/blog/secret-to-effective-one-on-ones</a></li>
<li><a href="http://xyproblem.info">xyproblem.info</a></li><li><a href="http://www.cracked.com/article_18544_how-the-karate-kid-ruined-modern-world.html">http://www.cracked.com/article_18544_how-the-karate-kid-ruined-modern-world.html</a></li>
<li><a href="https://blog.ycombinator.com/what-to-do-with-too-much-advice">https://blog.ycombinator.com/what-to-do-with-too-much-advice</a></li><li><a href="https://cupofjo.com/2018/07/easy-way-to-network">https://cupofjo.com/2018/07/easy-way-to-network</a></li>
</ul>
<li>podcasts and videos</li>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.askamanager.org/category/podcast">Ask A Manager podcast</a> </li>
<li><a href="https://www.shouldwe.co/season-02/give-advice">https://www.shouldwe.co/season-02/give-advice</a></li>
<li><a href="https://cate.blog/2016/05/17/management-and-misanthropy-with-cate-and-camille">https://cate.blog/2016/05/17/management-and-misanthropy-with-cate-and-camille</a></li>
<li><a href="http://kwugirl.blogspot.com/2015/05/ask-vs-guess-culture-communications.html">my Ask vs. Guess culture talk</a></li>
</ul>
<li>blogs</li>
<ul>
<li><a href="cate.blog">Cate Huston</a></li>
<li><a href="askamanager.org">Ask A Manager</a></li>
<li><a href="jvns.ca">Julia Evans</a></li>
<li><a href="elidedbranches.com">Camille Fournier</a></li>
<li><a href="calnewport.com/blog">Cal Newport</a></li>
</ul>
<li>books</li><ul><li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1455586692/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1455586692&linkId=ee0ae0e37facb64c7ce320d798e59938">Deep Work</a></li><li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0996128107/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=0996128107&linkId=1954de73c7624a40c25ce48feb3f720d">The Effective Engineer</a></li><li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1491973897/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1491973897&linkId=baddfb5397fa3ee5181b0932f07c251a">The Manager's Path</a></li></ul>
</ul>KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-51098114121125557512020-03-27T12:21:00.002-07:002020-09-22T14:18:34.699-07:00Maternity for Engineers: Cooking with ToddlersTeaching our kids how to cook was a mainstay of my husband and my conversations about how we'd theoretically want to raise kids. I watched a couple of Montessori family videos but it's hard to walk the line between being inspired by highly capable young toddlers and feeling dejected from doing comparisons strictly based on age. So, please go do something more fun if this is going to just feel like even more pressure in our current time period of literally trying to survive.<br />
<br />
Now that our 2.5 year old seems to be starting to develop an interest in helping in the kitchen though, I thought it might be a good time for a roundup of what we've found helpful so far. I really do think one of my personal strengths as a parent is doing internet research to find simple and valuable gadgets or other resources to make our family life smoother. I'll include an easy muffin recipe at the end of this post as well.<br />
<br />
<b>What to make</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
A lot of Montessori families start with having kids help with washing produce and cutting fruit. We have not had much success with that because my son would just eat everything directly rather than be interested in working on washing or cutting it. So, for cooking, he needs an end result that's transformed from the component parts to be interested. My priorities are no choking hazards, low risk of illness if ingredients are eaten raw, not have the toddler's diet turn into 100% carbs/sweet desserts, and keep mess to a minimum. Here are some ideas for beginner-friendly things to make together:<br />
<ul>
<li>smoothies</li>
<li>smoothies turned into popsicles</li>
<li>frozen yogurt bark</li>
<li>pizza with precooked pizza doughs, or English muffin pizzas</li>
<li>hummus made in blender or food processor (we do a sesame-free one by subbing in sunbutter for tahini, it's really good!)</li>
<li>overnight breakfasts in a slow cooker (we do grits, and have done oatmeal in the past)</li>
<li><a href="https://skillet.lifehacker.com/how-and-why-to-pasteurize-eggs-with-your-sous-vide-co-1795471604">sous vide pasteurized eggs</a> that you can then use as raw eggs in other recipes! He's so proud to eat the scrambled eggs he made for dinner.</li>
<li>blender muffins (I had had no idea that there was a whole class of muffin you can mix up straight in a blender!)</li>
<li>other ideas that sound good though I haven't personally tried them yet: <a href="https://cupofjo.com/2020/01/green-pancakes-recipe/">green pancakes</a>, <a href="https://happykidskitchen.com/baked-spaghetti-cups-with-veggies/">baked spaghetti cups</a>, <a href="https://www.twopeasandtheirpod.com/egg-muffins/">egg muffins</a> </li>
</ul>
<br />
For helping in making full meals, think about how to break down large tasks so that toddlers can participate at their level. Consider what accommodations would be helpful if you had to do everything with your non-dominant hand. This will likely increase the amount of time it takes, but I figure it's an investment for future cooking skill and interest development and there's only so much encouraging of independent play (read: tolerating vocal complaints) I can put up with sometimes while trying to get cooking done. Some tasks:<br />
<ul>
<li>dumping pasta into the pot (in general, we have a lot of, "I premeasure the amount, hand it to my toddler, he dumps it in")</li>
<li>peeling bananas (start with cutting bananas in half)</li>
<li>peeling clementines (we started with me peeling most of it and leaving a bit of peel for him to finish off, then me starting to peel and splitting the clementine in half, now we're at me sometimes just breaking the peel at some point but there have been instances where he peeled the whole thing himself too!)</li>
<li>smashing boiled potatoes flat to roast into crispy potatoes (we did this together with a large plate, sheet of aluminum foil, potato, sheet of aluminum foil, smaller plate)</li>
<li>stirring with silicone spatulas, where the heat has not been turned on yet and the volume of food is such that you have a good amount of clearance should said stirring become overly enthusiastic. </li>
<li>Or you can set up stirring with the heat on high enough to actually cook, low enough not to cause immediate serious burn from an accidental glancing touch, show the toddler how to hold onto the handle of the pan, and both of you have spatulas in hand.</li>
</ul>
I try to substitute the urge to say "be careful" for something more specific instead, like "You're close to the hot pan" or "Let's do this more slowly."<br />
<br />
Realistic expectations for both you and your kid help a lot, as always. For example, I am REALLY TRYING to be more chill about the mess made in pursuit of the long-term goal we want (kids that are part of the rotation for feeding the whole family) but I can only make myself relax about it so much, so rather than getting annoyed and tense while failing to pretend that I am not annoyed and tense, either simplify the goals or figure out how I could have better set ourselves up for the activity, with preparing differently/more ahead of time or searching for gadgets on Amazon.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Resources</b><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1641524766/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1641524766&linkId=cf4c050457f927f8aefd314f2ae4c507"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yRAeyIorDr8/Xn5CRf0vsaI/AAAAAAAAxvE/QCNoL35e9coidoN-ZtTe1NntqzgotemQQCK4BGAYYCw/s200/cookbook.jpg" width="162" /></a> <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1477542043/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1477542043&linkId=4f7991e08fe78851e7ed1f3db66b7744"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WiG8J5g3yO4/Xn5CWFDj1aI/AAAAAAAAxvM/F8EZg-BacWoQ949ihJOwjMii1GatHfIaACK4BGAYYCw/s200/cookbookm.jpg" width="160" /></a>
</div>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1641524766/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1641524766&linkId=cf4c050457f927f8aefd314f2ae4c507">Little Helpers Toddler Cookbook: Healthy, Kid-Friendly Recipes to Cook Together</a>: this is great, well-laid out, with recipes for food I can picture us actually all eating. The author's <a href="http://happykidskitchen.com/">website</a> is a helpful reference as well, with a good set of <a href="https://happykidskitchen.com/top-10-tips-for-cooking-with-toddlers-and-kids/">top 10 tips for cooking with toddlers and kids</a>.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1477542043/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1477542043&linkId=4f7991e08fe78851e7ed1f3db66b7744">Kids in the Kitchen: Simple Recipes That Build Independence and Confidence the Montessori Way</a>: the production of this one is not as extensive and I haven't made any of the recipes, but I do like a lot how they show a progression of cooking skills to develop. Lots of photos for an older child to follow along with, too. One of the authors is the blogger behind <a href="https://www.howwemontessori.com/how-we-montessori/in-the-kitchen/">How We Montessori</a>, which is a pretty approachable Montessori resource.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://sprout-kids.com/products/value-grade-sous-chef-toddler-tower"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YnwVmTuF_nc/Xn5DYiCHzhI/AAAAAAAAxvc/aSuY5s3JEIMPcM3JH-arjdZWqXC3g15wwCK4BGAYYCw/s200/tower.jpg" width="200" /></a> <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/776655373/montessori-apron-for-kids-construction"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GGNXrIPfz8o/Xn5Qx7MtjFI/AAAAAAAAxwo/jJjAbPwMJzYnjeYYRaOPN-uDz-qlI-U8wCK4BGAYYCw/s200/apron.jpg" width="112" /></a></div>
Kitchen helper tower: I like the one we have made by <a href="https://sprout-kids.com/products/value-grade-sous-chef-toddler-tower">Sprout Kids</a> a lot because the height is supposed to be adjustable with the kid as they get bigger, the kid can get in and out of it on their own but there's a brace in case they accidentally lean too far back, and it has a very compact footprint. We were able to save some money by snagging a "value-grade" version, it's slightly less aesthetically pleasing but plenty sturdy construction. I put hooks on the sides for hanging the <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/776655373/montessori-apron-for-kids-construction">toddler's apron</a> and a hand towel for drying his hands after he's up at the kitchen in this washing his hands. There are many other kinds of kitchen helper towers available and Ikea hacks as well.<br />
<br />
For other kitchen gear and gadgets, I generally lean towards not having so many that it's hard to find the ones you actually use. We had a pretty well-equipped kitchen already, but it's been worth adding a few things that are more expressly for the purpose of cooking with kids. It's outfitting your kitchen to accommodate someone with less hand strength and coordination.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B018SZQH8W/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B018SZQH8W&linkId=8f2c447db0a3f90cbd196e4a0f58e899"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bzwG2hDNZmY/Xn5Ddg7_gzI/AAAAAAAAxvk/O9dCK_dfe7MUsg1tNd2MQOqx16RggLz1gCK4BGAYYCw/s200/measuringcup.jpg" width="200" /></a> <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B071WNGJZL/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B071WNGJZL&linkId=3444f542c90fc783b0858dce50d465c8"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TBiIcS4dHlw/Xn5DhP4ikzI/AAAAAAAAxvs/oW3g6bgpybszz96SeyhenWMaYEXJeVMdwCK4BGAYYCw/s200/muffins.jpg" width="172" /></a>. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00R48FNTE/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B00R48FNTE&linkId=311b53d539e31f1e88dbd8ccd1d1776f"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kEi2zQ-qLOQ/Xn5DknN7zxI/AAAAAAAAxv0/LjAZaV3aWewEkP8I7Ypz1vFAg-5TOyCqACK4BGAYYCw/s200/pancake.jpg" width="147" /></a></div>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B018SZQH8W/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B018SZQH8W&linkId=8f2c447db0a3f90cbd196e4a0f58e899">Curious Chef Children's 2-Cup Clear Measuring Cup</a>: I LOVE this thing so much I bought 2! One to put all the pre-measured dry ingredients into, one to put all the pre-measured wet ingredients into. So smart to design it with 3 spouts so the toddler has a better shot of getting everything in the cup poured out regardless of which direction they tilt it. We do have the classic glass Pyrex measuring cup out constantly in our kitchen, but that's quite heavy once filled up and if it falls on the floor or bangs against the counter, I start to get tense and stressed out.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B071WNGJZL/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B071WNGJZL&linkId=3444f542c90fc783b0858dce50d465c8">OXO Good Grips Reusable Silicone Baking Cups</a>: these are helpful for setting up the toddler for independent success on the job of dispensing out the liners into the muffin pan. No liner means more time on dishes as well as more time/work to pull the muffins out to store, and paper liners are trickier to separate into individual units. The silicone liners are also pretty easy for a toddler to peel off on their own.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00R48FNTE/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B00R48FNTE&linkId=311b53d539e31f1e88dbd8ccd1d1776f">Pancake and Cupcake Batter Dispenser:</a> I got this to help with neater collaborative muffin batter dispensing. Just using a measuring scoop left drips everywhere and was liable to get batter with raw egg in places you wouldn't want that (though I guess now that I know about sous vide pasteurized eggs, I can worry about it a lot less!). It does require some hand strength so my 2.5 year old wouldn't be able to lift or squeeze this on his own yet, but at least he's not tugging at a scoop or grabbing at a bowl full of possible salmonella in my hand. I ask him which muffin cup he wants me to fill next and do the dispensing. I wish they made a style of this with a wider hole so that we could do chunkier batters (I guess a lot of these are made so that people can do "pancake art"?), but I did at least have some success with pushing batter through using a chopstick when I had whole wild blueberries in the muffin batter rather than blending the blueberries.<div><br /></div><div>Keeping everything together on a large, flat tray has been helpful for making me feel like we're doing a better job containing any spills or mess. Something like the <a href="https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/smula-tray-clear-40041131/">Ikea Smula</a>.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Banana pumpkin oatmeal blender muffin recipe</b><br />
<br />
This can be gluten-free and low sugar! Also, pumpkin is a vegetable! Adapted from <a href="https://happykidskitchen.com/banana-pumpkin-blender-muffins/">Happy Kids Kitchen</a>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tWnorOxrQA0/XoDkwyYeLgI/AAAAAAAAx1o/BT7NRelsZ-k_Fv3qQwirTS3raZypGVaJACKgBGAsYHg/s1600/IMG_20200328_173524.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tWnorOxrQA0/XoDkwyYeLgI/AAAAAAAAx1o/BT7NRelsZ-k_Fv3qQwirTS3raZypGVaJACKgBGAsYHg/s400/IMG_20200328_173524.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
I changed the organization of the ingredients from probably what you're supposed to do in real baking for the ordering of dry vs. wet because I'm prioritizing speed in getting everything measured and set out and minimizing having to grab a different set of measuring spoons because you already used it to measure out a wet ingredient that's now sticking to it when you then need it for a dry ingredient.<br />
<br />
Ingredients<br />
<ul>
<li>2 very ripe bananas, each cut in half to facilitate toddler peeling if needed</li>
<li>1 cup pumpkin puree: I actually don't measure this anymore, I eyeball half of the 15oz can and refrigerate or freeze the rest for the next batch</li>
<li>Dry ingredients bowl: prepare first, but put in blender after wet ingredients</li>
<ul>
<li>2 1/3 cups rolled oats, gluten-free if desired (~220g, can sub oat flour, which makes the batter more runny)</li>
<li>1 tbsp baking powder</li>
<li>2 tsp pumpkin pie spice: cinnamon, cloves, allspice, nutmeg, ginger</li>
<li>1/4 tsp fine salt</li>
</ul>
<li>Wet ingredients bowl: prepare second, but put in blender before dry ingredients</li>
<ul>
<li>4 large eggs (pasteurized, if you're set up to do that)</li>
<li>1/4 cup flavorless oil avocado or vegetable oil</li>
<li>3 tbsp maple syrup or honey</li>
<li>1 tsp vanilla extract</li>
<li>1/4 cup optional mix-ins: we've used frozen blueberries, frozen cherries--Vitamix takes care of it!</li>
</ul>
<li>1/4 cup optional toppings: mini chocolate chips, raisins, blueberries</li>
<ul>
</ul>
</ul>
Instructions<br />
<ol>
<li>Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare a standard muffin tin in whatever way is your preference: buttering/oiling the cups, paper liners, silicone liners.</li>
<li>Add all ingredients to a high-speed blender in this order: bananas, pumpkin puree, wet ingredients, dry ingredients. Blend until oats are finely ground and all ingredients are well incorporated. Scrape the sides and bottom of the blender one time and blend again for a few seconds to make sure all ingredients are mixed into the batter (usually my toddler is setting out the liners while I do the blending).</li>
<li>Fill prepared muffin tin with the batter using a scoop, a large spoon, or the pancake batter dispenser. Fill each muffin cup almost to the top. These muffins will rise a little then fall back down after baked. Top with any additional toppings as desired.</li>
<li>Bake until golden brown on top and a toothpick inserted into the center of a muffin comes out clean, about 20-25 minutes (I am starting to be able to tell general doneness by lightly tapping the top of a muffin and seeing how firm it is). Transfer muffins to a cooling rack. Cool completely then enjoy.</li>
</ol>
These can be frozen (see the original recipe for tips) but our toddler goes through the batch of 12 muffins for breakfast over a few days. I usually store them in containers in groups of 4 because otherwise he likes to maul and take half a bite out of all the muffins rather than eating them a muffin at a time.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-58352262149348164252019-01-10T15:22:00.003-08:002019-11-23T19:43:30.270-08:00Maternity for Engineers: Baby registryI have a theory about why trying to find the perfect wedding dress is such a Thing. I think it's a placeholder for wondering whether you've found the "perfect" <i>spouse</i>, but displaced onto an object instead. Baby gear is similar, I think, for trying to feel prepared and capable of being a good parent. Our impending cross-country move was helpful for not going too far down this hole, and now I have a more established philosophy around baby gear. To paraphrase Michael Pollan, I think you should "get some stuff, not too much."<br />
<br />
Here are some general principles and tips around baby gear:<br />
<ul>
<li>Until the baby is on the outside, you don't know that much about 1) what your baby is like, and 2) what kind of parent you're like. Therefore, when pulling together a baby registry, it makes sense to make some reasonable guesses about different options you might want to try but save most of your purchasing power for after the baby has been born. There are also just variations like recovering from vaginal birth vs. C-section birth. You will know more in the future and can then best make use of the problems that can be solved with money, like buying duplicates of the most useful items to cut down on laundry.</li>
<li>If you have stuff that's brand new, you may want to consider airing them out ahead of time. Nesting by setting up and painting a nursery is a picturesque tradition, but it seems generally recommended to try to have clean, scent-free air for newborns. <a href="https://www.allergicliving.com/2017/08/16/creating-the-better-baby-nursery-out-with-allergens-and-vocs/">This article on VOCs</a> is not too fearmongering and has some good recommendations.</li>
<li>If you live in an area with a <a href="https://buynothingproject.org/about/">Buy Nothing group</a> (modern day, Facebook-based version of Freecycle), these are GREAT for baby and kid stuff. You can pass along what you don't end up using and keep your own clutter manageable too. There are also often baby/kid consignment shops as an alternative to boutiques or Amazon.</li>
</ul>
<br />
Sources I used for researching baby gear:<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.candokiddo.com/">CanDo Kiddo</a>: she's an occupational therapist and writes a fair amount about supporting your baby's development and <a href="http://www.candokiddo.com/news/2014/9/21/part-2-whats-wrong-with-bhd">how to help prevent flathead syndrome</a>. I like how she explains her reasoning and that she has a mindset of trying to keep things simple, since you can always buy more stuff later on. I consider her quite reliably and trustworthy.</li>
<li><a href="https://www.lucieslist.com/">Lucie's List</a>: this site, by its nature, is a little bit more into Stuff, but their tone is friendly and the guides were helpful to go through for considering what I might be interested in having.</li>
<li><a href="https://www.babygearlab.com/">Baby Gear Lab</a>: to quote my friend who send this to me, "I don't think their advice is nearly as bullet proof as, say Sweethome, but it's something."</li>
</ul>
<br />
Categories of baby gear, by function:<br />
<ul>
<li>Transport</li>
<li>Sleeping</li>
<li>Feeding</li>
<li>Diapering & Cleaning</li>
<li>Clothing</li>
<li>Other</li>
</ul>
<b><br /></b>
<b>TRANSPORT</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Probable must haves: car seat, stroller, diaper bag<br />
Recommended but also can wait: wraps/carriers/slings for baby wearing<br />
<br />
If your baby is going to ride in a car, you will need a car seat. The car seat was the main thing that I wanted to get brand new, to avoid concerns about whether it's been in a crash previously or has been recalled. Those portable "bucket seats" for young babies, that have a base to click into in the car, are known as "infant car seat carriers." These seem to be very convenient for if you expect to be going in and out of a car very often, will be transporting your baby in multiple cars, or if you have other young children to wrangle safely between your home and the car.<br />
<br />
Those situations didn't apply to us at the time and I was persuaded by <a href="http://www.candokiddo.com/news/infant-car-seat">this article</a> to consider just getting a convertible car seat with an infant insert instead, which is less convenient, but would help avoid the temptation of letting a baby sleep too long in the car seat and contributing to a potential flat spot on his head. I also wanted something with a cover that could be machine washable. We got the <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00O9W3JBC/ref=emc_b_5_t">Maxi-Cosi Pria 70 with Tiny Fit insert</a> which has been fine. Very confusing to figure out how to install it securely, which is common for car seats, so I was glad that our hospital had a car seat clinic we could go to to get help with that. Definitely look for similar car seat safety clinics near you to get help with installation! Ours even had a fake baby to practice getting into/out of the car seat, haha.<br />
<br />
For a stroller, I therefore did not choose one of those systems that an infant car seat would just click into. I wanted something that would recline pretty close to fully flat so that it would be all right to let the baby sleep in it, as well as be easy to maneuver and collapse to store. I got a used <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Baby-Jogger-2016-Single-Stroller/dp/B019W8W8P0/ref=sr_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1547075037&sr=8-3&keywords=baby%2Bjogger%2Bcity%2Bmini%2Bgt&th=1">Baby Jogger City Mini GT Single Stroller</a> and have been happy with its collapsibility and adjustable handle height, with the tradeoff that the storage basket is a bit small. For a fancy, high end (expensive) stroller, I'd probably try to get an <a href="https://uppababy.com/vista/overview/">UppaBaby Vista</a>, especially if there are multiples involved, for its bassinet attachment.<br />
<br />
Diaper bag: I would recommend considering diaper backpacks, or honestly, just a good lightweight backpack that is roomy, with a few different zipper pockets with then some pouches inside to keep feeding stuff vs. diaper change stuff together. If you decide to use a bag that wasn't designed as a diaper bag, you'll probably want to get a portable changing pad, since those are typically included otherwise.<br />
<br />
Baby wearing: you can watch a lot of YouTube videos to try to figure this out, but I think this is where visiting a baby boutique in person can be really helpful. Oftentimes there will be workshops or classes where they go through various models, with fake babies that you can practice with! I liked using a <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Moby-Carrier-Newborns-Toddlers-Breastfeeding/dp/B00GDKEMRI/ref=sr_1_5_s_it?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1547075498&sr=1-5&keywords=moby+wrap">Moby</a> at home and found it more comfortable than the <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B000UZXGCY?colid=1WZZ2WLILD8OR&coliid=I2II61EP4WZPSX&ref=br_ADD_TO_CART_title_link&th=1">Baby K'tan</a>, but the Baby K'tan was less hassle to use while out and about where I wouldn't want to be dragging a long strap on the ground. We eventually got a <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Tula-Multi-Position-Ergonomic-Carrier-Front/dp/B01AYGPYSC/ref=sr_1_4_s_it?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1547075614&sr=1-4&keywords=tula%2Binfant%2Binsert&th=1">Tula with infant insert </a>as well as a Baby Bjorn for Dan, as though made more sense to him for how to get them on and the baby in them.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>SLEEPING</b><br />
<br />
Probable must haves: crib, crib sheets, swaddle sleep sacks, plugged in white noise machine, blackout curtains, baby monitor<br />
Recommended but also can wait: portable white noise machine, portable crib, other sleep sack aids<br />
<br />
For a crib, I wanted to roomshare but not bedshare, which seemed like a good combo of reducing risk of SIDS and supporting breastfeeding rather than trekking over to a nursery in a different room. It's helpful to minimize the distance between the baby caregiving task and where you fall asleep, without falling asleep with the baby on you while you're on a chair or sofa. We got an <a href="https://www.armsreach.com/shop/co-sleeper_bassinets/mini-ezee-2-in-1-co-sleeper-euro">Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper</a>. That was an ok size for about the first 5-6 months. No need to worry about the branded sheets, which are kinda scratchy anyway--king-size pillowcases work totally fine.<br />
<br />
We also used a <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B00PTL3T9O?colid=1WZZ2WLILD8OR&coliid=I21566LGR93QDJ&ref=br_ADD_TO_CART_title_link">Pack'n'Play</a> for naps. Later on, I talked Dan into getting the <a href="https://www.guavafamily.com/products/lotus-everywhere-travel-crib">Guava Lotus travel crib</a> which I definitely recommend, it's easy to pack/unpack and the side zip keeps open the possible of a <a href="https://www.howwemontessori.com/how-we-montessori/2016/06/why-we-use-a-montessori-floor-bed-.html">Montessori-style floor bed</a> while also being easier on your back than leaning over a traditional crib. In general, having at least 3 sets of crib sheets helped with laundry cycling as you improve your diapering technique.<br />
<br />
Joke was on me a bit because most of the months in the co-sleeper were during our exclusive pumping/bottle feeding months, and the Montessori floor bed is not a good idea for our FOMO sleep resister! We have quite a collection of different swaddling sleep sacks. You can get some of those muslins for DIY swaddling, but the sacks with velcro/snaps/zippers are really helpful for simplifying the process. I found the <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/SwaddleMe-Original-Swaddle-3-PK-Graphic/dp/B01644OAWE/ref=sr_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1547076364&sr=8-3&keywords=SwaddleMe%2Bsleep%2Bsacks%2B3%2Bpack&th=1">SwaddleMe Original Swaddle 3 packs</a> to be most cost effective, but there are tons of different designs with various benefits. You might get lucky with a baby that is much more fond of sleep even without those aids though, so you can hold off and rely on Amazon Prime/Now.<br />
<br />
<div>
There are some classic things to have to set yourselves up for success in the sleep environment: <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B00HD0ELFK?colid=1WZZ2WLILD8OR&coliid=I12XNS7IIH1QCY&ref=br_ADD_TO_CART_title_link&th=1">a white noise machine</a>, and blackout curtains or shades. The <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Marpac-Hushh-White-Noise-Machine/dp/B01D50RYSC/ref=sr_1_4_s_it?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1547076612&sr=1-4&keywords=marpac+hushh+white+noise">Marpac Hushh</a> is now my go-to off-registry baby shower gift because it freed our phones from being drained for white noise usage during car rides and it chargeable via USB. As for a baby monitor, I would recommend considering <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B017UIR9F8/ref=oh_aui_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1">a simple and "old-fashioned" audio-only one, with at least two receivers</a>. Some people really like the video-enabled ones but I was concerned that might cause me to check it too frequently and be more anxious rather than less.</div>
<br />
<br />
<b>FEEDING</b><br />
<b><br /></b>Probable must haves: breast pump, burp cloths, some bottles, bottle drying rack, bottle brush, nursing bras<br />
Recommended but also can wait: comfortable rocker/glider, <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Simple-Wishes-Pumping-Patented-XS-Large/dp/B00HUWJ3P4/ref=sr_1_6_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1547081725&sr=8-6&keywords=hands%2Bfree%2Bpumping&th=1">hands-free pumping bra</a>, other breastfeeding supplies (see <a href="http://kwugirl.blogspot.com/2018/07/maternity-for-engineers-non-boring.html">this post on nursing-friendly clothing</a>)<br />
Might need less than you think: dedicated bottle warmer<br />
<br />
If you want to try breastfeeding and have health insurance coverage, it's worth looking into whether your plan will subsidize the purchase of a breast pump. If yes, that's a good thing to get squared away ahead of time so you can wash and sterilize the parts, get a little familiar with how to put it together, and have it available for as soon as you need it. I planned not to start pumping until a month postpartum, but because Nico couldn't latch due to a tongue tie, I started pumping full-time within just a couple days instead. I really liked my <a href="https://www.spectrababyusa.com/store/s1plus/">Spectra S1</a>: good power, comfortable parts, quiet motor, rechargeable battery. Not having to plug into an outlet is really helpful if you're going to be pumping while traveling at all.<br />
<br />
Burp cloths: we were gift a bunch of <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B007VBYVVA/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B007VBYVVA&linkCode=as2&tag=elisblahenjoi-20&sa-no-redirect=1">cloth diapers</a> to use as burp cloths and just had them in various baskets all throughout the house. We also used them as bibs but in general, I found that I didn't care that much about cleaning up after baby drool.<br />
<br />
Bottles are one of the things I was surprised to find out that babies will develop different preferences for. We tried a bunch of different kinds but ultimately settled on the <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Dr-Browns-Options-Bottle-Breastfed/dp/B07DCTZWBF/ref=sr_1_2_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1547081305&sr=8-2&keywords=dr%2Bbrown%2Bslow%2Bflow&th=1">Dr. Brown's Options Slow Flow Bottle Set</a> which were a little fiddly in the parts but I eventually got over wanting to hand wash them all and just used the dishwasher instead. We got a bin for corralling the small bottle parts in the dishwasher. The <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B004OR1DTC?colid=1WZZ2WLILD8OR&coliid=I23NBW4TCF3XFB&ref=br_ADD_TO_CART_title_link&th=1">Boon Lawn Countertop Drying Rack Green</a> and the <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B0038JDVCE?colid=1WZZ2WLILD8OR&coliid=I2I2ZHOJKCTKC1&ref=br_ADD_TO_CART_title_link">OXO Tot Bottle Brush</a> were also useful for cleaning. If you do plan to hand wash parts (which I always did for pump parts, which are more expensive and delicate), dedicate a plastic bin to baby stuff so it doesn't get mixed up with anything else in your kitchen sink.<br />
<br />
Nursing bras are on the buy ahead list more because near the end of a pregnancy, your usual underwire bras are probably not very comfortable at that point. I tried a bunch of styles and settled on that <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B000YQMWGA/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1">Bravado Women's Body Silk Seamless Nursing Bra</a> as the most comfortable and still somewhat supportive design. They're a little pricey compared to other styles, but do go on sale at Target and Amazon.<br />
<br />
There are tons of additional breastfeeding- and pumping-related stuff you can get to make your life easier, but what happens with breastfeeding, should you go for it, can be a bit unpredictable. Generally I think it's more effective to save your funds to be able to work with a private IBCLC lactation consultant outside of the hospital in case there are issues to troubleshoot and then follow their recommendations on support items.<br />
<br />
I also don't think you need to buy formula ahead of time. Once you start buying any baby stuff in a trackable way, you'll probably get sent samples anyway. Also, you don't want to commit to too much of a particular kind of formula in case you need to switch it up to something else.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>DIAPERING & CLEANING</b><br />
<br />
Probable must haves: newborn diapers, wipes, scent-free lotion, diaper rash cream, <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B000YCST48?colid=1WZZ2WLILD8OR&coliid=I17TBHKSNXJVS6&ref=br_ADD_TO_CART_title_link">changing pad</a>, changing pad covers, diaper changing table, <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B000067EH7?colid=1WZZ2WLILD8OR&coliid=ICAMFN8I570DF&ref=br_ADD_TO_CART_title_link">infant tub</a>, scent-free hand soap<br />
Recommended but also can wait: <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B01EX7CJFE?colid=1WZZ2WLILD8OR&coliid=I30KPUJS2IILIA&ref=br_ADD_TO_CART_title_link">changing pad liners</a>, <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B06XS7BD9K/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1">mesh wash bags</a>, baby wash cloths<br />
Probably won't really need: wipes dispenser, wipe warmer, special odor minimizing diaper trash cans (a lot to pay for probably less effectiveness than taking trash out frequently)<br />
<br />
Cloth vs. disposable diapers: my conclusions from researching cloth diapers is that you might save on the order of a few hundred dollars over the course of diapering one kid, it's thought to be better for the environment on balance, it's not that much more work than disposables once you have your system in place, and it might help with earlier/easier potty training/toilet independence because of wet sensations not being wicked away. I would recommend just going with disposables to start with, just to minimize your early learning curve as much as possible. You can always switch over to cloth diapers later, and look into whether any baby boutiques near you have cloth diaper rental kits to try out different styles.<br />
<br />
Wipes/lotions/soaps: we actually used water-only wipes for several months before graduating to regular (but still scent-free and "for sensitive skin") packages of wipes. They were a little frustrating to use at times, but it seemed like staying away from scented anything helped reduce occurrences of diaper rash. For a diaper rash cream, our pediatrician recommended just the classic tube of Desitin and that's been sufficient so far. You will be washing your hands SO MUCH so finding a scent-free hand soap and lotion (or coconut oil or whatever) will help the adults around.<br />
<br />
A changing table is helpful on your back for its height, so you could do a changing pad on top of any other furniture you have that would be tall enough, as long as you can secure the pad from moving around. Between the changing pad and the table, you definitely need some straps to help protect against rolling off the pad. It will probably help with laundry cycles to have at least 3 covers, and then potentially the liners that lay on top as well. You can also use the liners over crib sheets to cut down on laundry a bit there too. The idea of the liners sounded silly to me at first, but it helps as your diapers become more secure.<br />
<br />
Hooded towels with animal faces on them are just too unbelievably cute, but similar to clothing, you might end up being gifted plenty of towels and blankets. I thought baby washcloths were unnecessary at first, but they did become helpful after there become crusty food or mud that I needed to try to wipe off. In the beginning, just rinsing with water was sufficient.<br />
<br />
Mesh washing bags are useful for keeping together tiny baby items like socks, preventing the velcro on swaddle sacks or bibs from wrecking other items, and separating out items that need to be line dried.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>CLOTHING</b><br />
<br />
We actually didn't even buy any baby clothing for the longest time, because people love buying tiny adorable baby clothes as gifts. My general comments are:<br />
<ul>
<li>clothing that comes together with snaps or zippers (vs. only over the head) helps a lot with wriggly babies with giant heads, especially when you're still afraid of how delicate and lacking in neck control they are</li>
<li>dressing babies from the feet up is a legitimate strategy</li>
<li>the sizes on tags are wildly inconsistent and really only a suggestion. </li>
<li>slightly oversized clothes are easier to get on and off</li>
<li>go for organic cotton etc. if you want to do so for being environmentally-friendly, but everything is laundered so often that in the organic vs. conventionally-grown cotton question, I don't see how it would have much of an impact on your baby's skin</li>
</ul>
<br />
<b>OTHER</b><br />
<br />
Probable must haves: <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/EXERGEN-TEMPORAL-ARTERY-THERMOMETER-TAT-2000C/dp/B01455CYS6/ref=sr_1_4_s_it?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1547161931&sr=1-4&keywords=exergen+thermometer">forehead thermometer</a>, baby rectal thermometer, <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B00171WXII?colid=1WZZ2WLILD8OR&coliid=IVR4AD6RSOULX&ref=br_ADD_TO_CART_title_link&th=1">NoseFrida the Snotsucker</a>, <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/d/Moisturizing-Nasal-Sprays/NoseFrida-Fridababy-All-natural-moisturizes-passages/B01N4BBTFQ/ref=sr_1_4_s_it?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1547161883&sr=1-4&keywords=frida+nasal+spray">saline nasal spray</a>, <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/NailFrida-SnipperClipper-Set-Fridababy-essential/dp/B01644OCVS/ref=sr_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1547167585&sr=8-3&keywords=frida+nail+clippers+baby">baby nail clippers/file</a>, yoga ball<br />
Nice-to-have: <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B01D8XG0OK?colid=1WZZ2WLILD8OR&coliid=ID8KRXEVGBJCS&ref=br_ADD_TO_CART_title_link">labor gown</a>, <a href="http://www.thekavanaughreport.com/2019/09/the-magic-of-topponcino-montessori-baby.html">topponcino</a><br />
Recommended but also can wait: <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/FridaBaby-006-Fridababy-Fridet-MomWasher/dp/B00VO65XB0/ref=sr_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1547162201&sr=8-3&keywords=fridababy+fridet+momwasher">FridaBaby Fridet</a>, <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Oogiebear-BLU1-oogiebear-Nose-Cleaner/dp/B00GXTTPKI/ref=sr_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1547162302&sr=8-3&keywords=baby%2Bnose%2Bpicker&th=1">oogibear booger picker</a><br />
<br />
Baby healthcare items: forehead thermometer is useful for more frequent temperature checking without undiapering needed, but you still want a rectal thermometer on hand for the most accurate temperature reading. Nasal spray and snotsucker (over the traditional bulb suckers) are pretty much accepted these days as givens for when babies have colds. The <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Oogiebear-BLU1-oogiebear-Nose-Cleaner/dp/B00GXTTPKI/ref=sr_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1547162302&sr=8-3&keywords=baby%2Bnose%2Bpicker&th=1">booger picker</a> was amazingly useful for our kiddo that was really sensitive to having his nose blocked up in any way, but ymmv.<br />
<br />
Yoga ball is for endless bouncing to help with calming crying babies who are otherwise fed/dry.<br />
<br />
Your own labor gown is just a nice thing to have to feel more relaxed in a hospital environment in particular. <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B01D8XG0OK?colid=1WZZ2WLILD8OR&coliid=ID8KRXEVGBJCS&ref=br_ADD_TO_CART_title_link">The one I got</a> has snaps at the shoulders, to help with nursing, and snaps in the back in case doctors need access. I continued to wear it at home as a nightgown for several months.<br />
<br />
A topponcino is a new item to my list after having my second. It's a Montessori thing to help a baby get acclimated to the overstimulating outside world by having a consistent environment (this thin oval-shaped mattress essentially) that smells of the mother and later the baby itself. I was unsure how helpful it would be for allowing a sibling to hold the newborn since my oldest was only just over 2, but it actually was still effective even if we were essentially placing her in his lap, because the topponcino kept her head supported and muted any toddler flailing. My oldest really loved connecting with the new baby this way. Even without siblings in the picture, the topponcino has been pretty magic for facilitating smooth transfers of sleeping baby from arms into bassinet since the baby doesn't feel your arms trying to slip out from underneath as much. It's firm enough that I personally did not have concerns about it being a safe sleep surface, but that would be a personal judgment call.<br />
<br />
The <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/FridaBaby-006-Fridababy-Fridet-MomWasher/dp/B00VO65XB0/ref=sr_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1547162201&sr=8-3&keywords=fridababy+fridet+momwasher">FridaBaby Fridet</a> is a really nice upgrade from the peri bottles they give you at the hospital, but might be more relevant with a vaginal birth than a C-section?KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-76823329136010597012018-07-21T06:41:00.002-07:002018-08-06T13:05:32.646-07:00Maternity for Engineers: non-boring, nursing-friendly clothingSomething I didn't think much about while pregnant is that while it's generally accepted that you'll need some maternity clothing (mainly pants--turns out most of my wardrobe allowed for a healthy amount of room around the waist anyway!) and maybe even different shoes (I already have wide, high volume feet, and with being in the third trimester in the summer and having a personal dislike of flip-flops, ended up with exactly one pair of sandals I could still wear), you don't necessarily get to go back to wearing your pre-pregnancy clothes after having the baby, if you're breastfeeding. However, a lot of the designated nursing-friendly clothing out there is just not very exciting. Here is a overview of different solutions to the problem of having low-hassle yet still stylish clothing while breastfeeding.<br />
<br />
<b>Requirements:</b><br />
<ul>
<li><u>baby can nurse</u>: to be technical and precise about it, you have to be able to expose your nipples.</li>
<li><u>machine washable</u>: look, I get that a lot of inexpensive clothing just isn't up for being machine washed and that's the tradeoff you make, but why would you target new moms as your buyers and then stock your site with clothes that have to be hand washed or dry cleaned?!?????? This is a HUGE mystery to me. There's a baby around! Staying clean is already a challenge even with plenty of modern conveniences!</li>
<li><u>comfortable</u>: same rant as above basically, except focused on how there are plenty enough other physical discomforts already.</li>
<li><u>option for interesting colors, prints, and cuts</u>: it's nice to have options.</li>
</ul>
<div>
Note: for nursing bras, you will probably have to try on different styles to see what works for you. <a href="https://www.lucieslist.com/best-nursing-bras/">Lucie's List has a guide on nursing bras</a> and I agree that the <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01KIUH5UO/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B01KIUH5UO&linkId=1b36ac79ac65bd50c48cb276cb482f87">Bravado Body Silk Seamless</a> is really comfortable and supportive. It seems generally recommended to avoid underwires if possible, in case the compression there causes clogs (and therefore possible supply issues) for you. I've also heard that Nordstrom's tailoring department can take any normal bra you buy from them and convert it to a nursing bra, for free.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
As for what goes over the nursing bras...</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>Solution #1: Just wear your regular clothes anyway</b></div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
I've heard that many experienced breastfeeding moms just continue to wear normal things like t-shirts and sweaters and they get comfortable with lifting up their shirt or pulling down the neckline if it's big and stretchy enough. Women should get to breastfeed in public without being harassed, regardless of how discreet their clothing for doing so is. Also, there are plenty of other kid-related things that you will spend money on.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Challenges:</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>For me, I don't really like exposing my belly fully (gets cold!). Though I got a great tip from a friend on this--she's continued to wear her maternity leggings for the extra torso coverage. Brilliant!</li>
<li>I've also got quite a squirmy baby, so I find it annoying to have to hold some fabric edge out of the way for the duration of the nursing session. </li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<b><br /></b>
<b>Solution #2: Buy clothing designed for nursing</b></div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
I've bought clothing specifically designed for easier nursing from a few sites now. Some are better than others. It's not too difficult to find inexpensive nursing tops in solid neutrals or pastels and jersey knits (like with t-shirts). You can machine wash and possibly also machine dry a lot of these and since they're inexpensive, you could always just replace them if they get too worn-looking. Some of the brands I like for this include:</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://undercovermama.com/">Undercover Mama</a>: I have a couple of their nursing shirts and the nursing maxi dress. I actually got a compliment two weeks after having the baby from a vendor at the local farmers market, on my outfit that included their striped nursing shirt and a Panama hat--and I didn't even have the baby with me at the time, so it wasn't just an attempt to make a new mom feel good! Their design for nursing access is also helpful if you'll be pumping often since you can completely open it open horizontally.</li>
<li><a href="https://www.momzelle.com/">Momzelle</a>: the best part about this brand is how they have a lot of line drawings that show you exactly the design of the nursing access!!! Brilliant! Most other places just have the models awkwardly trying to demonstrate the access and even then it's often not that useful. I like the Sadie top and have it in two colors.</li>
<li><a href="https://latchedmama.com/">Latched Mama</a>: specifically the Nursing T-Shirt 2.0, Nursing Tank 2.0, and 3/4 Sleeve Scoop Neck Nursing Top</li>
<li><a href="https://www.milknursingwear.com/">Milk Nursing Wear</a>: has a pretty good selection of machine washable designs, though I ended up not being happy with the fit or real-life colors of the items I chose</li>
<li><a href="https://momstheword.com/">Mom's the Word</a>: my cousin told me about this boutique, which curates a lot of nursing clothes that have a slouchy, casual style. Through them I also got some items from the Swedish brand <a href="https://www.boobdesign.com/">Boob</a>.</li>
<li>I also like this <a href="https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/savi-mom-lille-layered-maternity-nursing-sheath-dress/4662001">Lille Layered Maternity/Nursing Sheath Dress by Savi Mom</a>. It comes in purple/mint, gray/yellow, and black/pink color combos.</li>
</ul>
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<a href="https://undercovermama.com/collections/shirts/products/nursing-shirt?variant=45485611788"><img border="0" data-original-height="1147" data-original-width="860" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oIdup2_G0PE/W1M1lYFN-zI/AAAAAAAAkWM/V531ccHjdhYtsted_dP3MuXINpu3FHBbACLcBGAs/s320/um.jpg" width="239" /></a> <a href="https://momstheword.com/products/kelly-duet-nurses"><img alt="Kelly Duet at Mom's the Word" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dHJRuEwUXOQ/W1MyZXQB19I/AAAAAAAAkVk/hHR0mRQ2V0Mty-05TQZm0lImcSRcPd4HQCLcBGAs/s320/kelly.jpg" title="Kelly Duet at Mom's the Word" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
Challenges:</div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Colors: if you like wearing black, you're all set. Otherwise, oftentimes the colors available are just...not that exciting, to me. Also, very hard to find modern prints! There are a couple mumsy florals sometimes, or cutesy slogans.</li>
<li>Top length: many of the tops are very long for some reason, almost eligible to be considered tunics if you're petite.</li>
<li>Sleeve length: I have often needed to either hem long-sleeves or buy items designed to have shorter sleeves. There don't seem to be 7/8 or bracelet length long-sleeve designs for nursing clothes and there are only a couple styles with 3/4 or button-tab rollup sleeves.</li>
<li>Fit: many styles are either far too baggy (<a href="https://undercovermama.com/">Undercover Mama</a> has a new <a href="https://undercovermama.com/collections/dresses/products/24-7-house-dress?variant=2477288718348">plaid print</a> for one of their dresses that I wish they'd use on a design that wasn't just one size!) or surprisingly narrow around the hips.</li>
<li>Design: many empire waist designs do not have enough length in the bust portion so they either keep riding up or pulling down the neckline to be too low. Regency era styles are fine in movies but not actually very flattering.</li>
<li>Style: ultimately, there just isn't that wide a range.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<b><br /></b>
<b>Solution #2b: Wear nursing tank tops or camisole tank tops as an underlayer</b></div>
</div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
This solution allows for more flexibility in what you wear as the outer layer but keeps your belly covered. You can buy specially designated nursing tank tops; people seem to like the ones at H&M or Target. There's also something referred to in breastfeeding support groups as "the two-shirt trick" where you wear a close-fitting camisole tank top as a tube top (pull the straps under your arms) and another shirt over this setup, like a button-down shirt. Others will use oversized cardigans ("nursing cardigans" are a thing but don't really have a functional difference from regular cardigans). <a href="https://undercovermama.com/collections/tanks">Undercover Mama's tank tops</a> are similar to this but instead of dealing with camisole straps hanging under your arms, you can attach the tank top to your nursing bra. This solution works well as a low cost but flexible option.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://undercovermama.com/collections/tanks/products/uc-mama-tank" title="Undercover Mama Basic Strapless Tank"><img alt=" Undercover Mama Basic Strapless Tank" border="0" data-original-height="1215" data-original-width="1024" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-escUagKvrEY/W1M0VkhStyI/AAAAAAAAkV4/JnVdnK61DuMGCNHswapQV9Gcjhf3OF29gCLcBGAs/s320/tank.jpg" width="268" /></a> <a href="https://milkymommas.org/info-graphics/"><img alt=" Two-shirt trick" border="0" data-original-height="517" data-original-width="517" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OkGNoiqmIFs/W1M0W1vMETI/AAAAAAAAkV8/xIiPEdLNju8ad3E4ZNyO-dQdf8txXbjBQCLcBGAs/s320/two-shirt.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>
<div>
<br />
Challenges:</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Not great to have to wear multiple layers in summer heat.</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<b><br /></b>
<b>Solution #3: Look for wrap-style clothing</b><br />
<br />
You can either get true wrap styles or faux wrap styles that might make it easier to pull aside at the neckline. I bought this <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B01EFH2DA8/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B01EFH2DA8&linkId=4b1b39749bc88859c8d2be0da0465f2e&sa-no-redirect=1">Laksmi A Line Cap Sleeve V Neck Dress</a> because it has so many good reviews about breastfeeding in it without stretching out the neckline and the neckline is not too low. It comes in different colors and other variations with solid top and patterned skirt.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01EFH2DA8/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B01EFH2DA8&linkId=4b1b39749bc88859c8d2be0da0465f2e" title="Laksmi A Line Cap Sleeve V Neck Dress"><img border="0" data-original-height="879" data-original-width="676" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PhiA66EO5ag/W1M2y1OsFGI/AAAAAAAAkWY/4I-mL2TLOSITGkuiZ4VApXIGgEribGaqQCLcBGAs/s320/laksmi.jpg" width="246" /></a></div>
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Challenges:
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<ul>
<li>Wrap designs are often too low and expose a lot of cleavage (or in this case, a lot of your nursing bra, which is not really something you would choose to do intentionally for style).</li>
<li>I never really feel like I can easily put the wrap ties back in place without a lot of fussing.</li>
</ul>
<b><br /></b>
<b>Solution #4: buy button-front clothing like shirtdresses and rompers</b>
<br />
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
I forgot that shirtdresses and rompers are a thing! You want styles that unbutton to at least your waist. Avoid styles that mention side or back zippers, since the button-fronts may not be fully functional. I had been searching for short-sleeve buttoned shirts but most of those are more like business wear. Shirtdresses and rompers, on the other hand, come in many colors and prints. I just picked up several from Modcloth.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.modcloth.com/shop/bottoms/read-it-and-steep-romper-in-garden/999997255251.html"><img alt="Read It and Steep Romper in Garden " border="0" data-original-height="1304" data-original-width="913" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-c3PXF-QHnjU/W1M3l9Iu0XI/AAAAAAAAkWk/xfctjH-WVSUdJfBrWCUhX0fm_zNq7yKLACLcBGAs/s320/romper.jpg" width="224" /></a> <a href="https://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/a-way-with-woods-sleeveless-shirt-dress-in-fern/100000212844.html"><img alt=" A Way With Woods Sleeveless Shirt Dress in Fern" border="0" data-original-height="1304" data-original-width="913" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZzXDgHcPDkM/W1M3ngc30yI/AAAAAAAAkWo/r71nVtaYGv07GHce8pQ4o7yU7Skxmk3YwCLcBGAs/s320/shirtdress.jpg" width="224" /></a><span id="goog_492898247"></span><a href="https://draft.blogger.com/"></a><span id="goog_492898248"></span></div>
<br />
Challenges:<br />
<ul>
<li>Especially for rompers, keep an eye out for ones that don't have enough strap coverage for your nursing bra.</li>
<li>For similar reasons, avoid racerback styles.</li>
<li>Designs need to have enough room in them for the variety of positions you may need to contort yourself into for nursing, so try sitting cross-legged in them.</li>
</ul>
</div>
KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-56299883416732496282018-01-01T12:39:00.003-08:002023-02-24T09:34:11.998-08:00Maternity for Engineers: PregnancyLast year I was pregnant and had a baby for the first time! I thought a lot of the resources on pregnancy, giving birth, and parenting could have been better organized, more logical and concise. My husband and I kept semi-joking that what I really wanted was a "Maternity for Engineers" guide. It's less about parenthood specific to someone who works in tech and more just like, "let's drill down into what the core principles to keep in mind are, and be logical."<br />
<br />
As far as I know, this doesn't exist yet, and now that some of my close friends are also getting pregnant, I thought I'd start writing out some of it before I forget. This post is what I'll send to my friends if they ask for advice on the pregnancy. If you are interested in "Paternity for Engineers: Pregnancy", I'll refer you to this post <a href="https://www.schneems.com/2017/06/07/the-programmers-guide-to-pairing-on-pregnancy/">The Programmer's Guide to Pairing on Pregnancy</a>.<br />
<br />
<b>GETTING PREGNANT</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
This obviously can be a pretty big topic. To get started, the book <a href="http://amzn.to/2EWQYR6">Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health</a> is surprisingly accessible and interesting on how female fertility works. There's so much that isn't taught to you at all!<br />
<br />
If you decide to start tracking your basal body temperature, the <a href="https://www.kindara.com/wink">Kindara Wink</a> is a pretty handy device to do so since it syncs to a phone app and does the charting for you.<br />
<br />
Finally, <a href="http://amzn.to/2BCG6pn">lubricant that's formulated to be more sperm-friendly</a> is a thing.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>
<b>BEING PREGNANT</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Congratulations!! Especially in the early weeks, if you're not feeling well, I recommend packing yourself a small kit to bring when you're out and about. Mine included:<br />
<ul>
<li>an air sickness bag that I grabbed from the last flight I was on (just having one on me made me feel more relaxed and less likely to puke in public, I found)</li>
<li>saltine crackers and nut butter packets (I found that not getting too hungry was helpful for reducing general nausea)</li>
<li>solid perfume in a tolerable scent (my sense of smell got SO strong, I put a little of this right under my nose when I was on public transit as needed)</li>
</ul>
<br />
For the rest...<br />
<br />
The number one thing I would recommend to everyone that's going to give birth is to <b>hire a doula</b>. A doula's job is to support you throughout your pregnancy and labor. I was pretty skeptical about doulas at first--even the word sounds pretty hippie to me--but apparently even just having someone (not family) be present in the room during a birth is correlated with fewer medical interventions.<br />
<br />
Also, at least some incidences of postpartum depression are due to needing to come to terms with a birth not happening how it had been envisioned. This isn't necessarily from unavoidable medical complications that come up, but rather, feeling like you got pushed around by others when you were in such a vulnerable state. A doula is someone who is on your side and has experience with what's normal to expect or not, who cares about you, but isn't emotionally caught up in everything the way your family and friends would be. You can look for a doula that's a good fit for you in their communication style, presence, and background. I asked for doulas that were well-versed on the science side, and then between the two we were matched up with, I chose the one I just felt really comfortable with in person.<br />
<br />
We met ours through a <a href="http://www.portlanddoulalove.com/">local doula agency</a> and she was so amazing that I hope we'll be able to keep in touch for years to come. She met with us a couple times beforehand and taught us how labor works and what to expect, such that we probably could've skipped some of the birth prep classes. We texted and emailed often when I had questions that weren't quite medical enough in nature to bring to my OB. She helped us figure out the kinds of procedures we might want or not want (the so-called "birth plan", which doesn't have to be a fancy thing and can be just about establishing your preferences ahead of time so that you don't have to make a bunch of decisions during the hecticness of the actual labor). When I went into labor, she came over to our house and coached me through how to cope with the contractions as they got stronger, reminding me of different positions to try. We'd learned and practiced those in one of the classes, but it was really, really helpful to be able to just turn things over to this other person who I felt safe with and trusted their knowledge on labor. She also made sure that neither I nor my husband would tire ourselves out too early from being excited that things were happening.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>tl;dr on food & exercise during pregnancy: be healthy, don't fall, and don't get food poisoning.</b><br />
<br />
When I got pregnant, I had the vague sense that you were supposed to read a bunch of books and take some classes for the pregnancy and giving birth. I also had the sense that you have to memorize these long lists of what you're not supposed to eat or drink. The "how are you supposed to do pregnancy well" part was actually simpler than I had expected.<br />
<br />
It turns out that healthy habits for a pregnant person are not actually all that different than healthy habits for a non-pregnant person. Doctors won't necessarily make this distinction between what you might have to pay extra attention to specifically because of being pregnant. I think this is because they get used to advising everyone on how to be healthier and some folks might be more motivated during a life change like being pregnant. But if you were already knowledgeable on how to eat well and exercised regularly, there isn't actually that much to change.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>FOOD</b><br />
<br />
I was surprised to learn that "eating for two" isn't really a thing. You need more additional calories each day to breastfeed (~500) than you do while pregnant (~300). Listen to your body for when you're hungry and eat to satiation. For the first few months, if you don't have much of an appetite, anything goes. Once your nausea hopefully settles, it's the usual eat vegetables and get enough protein in. You can take supplements like prenatal vitamins and folic acid if you want, but a nutritious diet overall is probably more effective. The benefits to be gained from folic acid are from pretty early on too, like the first 7 weeks, so you might to start this even before you know that you're pregnant.<br />
<br />
It's probably a good idea to at least reduce your <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/05/style/drinking-while-pregnant.html">alcohol</a> and caffeine intake as no one really knows the exact effects of those substances for your particular pregnancy, negative (fetus processing the substances), neutral, or positive (the mother feeling taken care of is good for the fetus). Unpasteurized milk products and soft cheeses, runny eggs, deli meats, sushi--these are things you're told to avoid because in some cases, pregnancy does elevate your risk of getting sick, and when you do get sick, you may not be able to receive the typical treatment. So you can make tradeoffs for yourself based on what you know about the sources of your food.<div><br /></div><div>Added 2023: for my third pregnancy, I discovered the work of nutritionist Lily Nichols and would highly recommend <a href="https://lilynicholsrdn.com/books/">her books</a>, especially if you are at risk for or diagnosed with gestational diabetes. She reviews published research and has a lot of clinical experience for evidence-based recommendations. One caveat though is that it may be harder to get through her book if you are vegetarian or vegan. Here is an <a href="https://evidencebasedbirth.com/nutrition-and-real-food-in-pregnancy-with-lily-nichols-rdn/">Evidenced Based Birth podcast episode interviewing her</a>.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>EXERCISE</b><br />
<br />
For exercise, if you were doing something regularly before you got pregnant, doctors feel more reassured that you know what you're doing there. I kept doing weightlifting throughout most of my first trimester but because your body's changing all the time and you don't know what its new limits might be, I was advised not to push with going heavier and therefore switched to other activities because I got bored. Keep moving and don't fall. Doing more sitting on a yoga ball and avoiding driving or reclining back too much during your last trimester is helpful for getting your baby into a better position for an easier labor.<br />
<br />
Everyone will recommend swimming and/or prenatal yoga. I have suspicions that some of this is from those sports having a reputation as being much gentler than others and having a cultural practice of treating pregnant women very delicately. Swimming is nice when you're pregnant in the summer and feeling really hot and swollen. Prenatal yoga ended up being more useful than I thought with loosening your hips and getting advice on stretches to soothe the particular aches you might be feeling, especially in the third trimester. Also it was kind of nice to see so many other pregnant women all together.<br />
<br />
A less common yet useful recommendation is to consider going to see a pelvic floor physical therapist, even before you give birth. I ended up with a third degree tear, which has healed now, but I might've been able to learn some techniques from a physical therapist beforehand that would reduce the likelihood of having a tear. People often recommend doing Kegels but it turns out that I never really understood what that meant, and a physical therapist could have taught me (plus in my case, it's probably more that I needed to learn how to relax my pelvic floor muscles, not tighten them further).<br />
<br />
Finally, when you are tired, take naps if you can. Your body is wisely trying to get you to rest up as much as possible.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>BOOKS</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Here are the books on pregnancy, giving birth, and the early days with a baby that I would recommend (Amazon affiliate links below):<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1561487171/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1561487171&linkId=24b43208dee54cee4f9cc214581accd7">Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy</a>: this was recommended to me over the "What to Expect When You're Expecting" series which apparently is a lot more fear-mongering. I liked it, it was nice to have a reference guide on hand for reading about what's happening during different months of the pregnancy.</li><li><a href="https://lilynicholsrdn.com/books/">Real Food For Pregnancy</a>, and <a href="https://lilynicholsrdn.com/books/">Real Food For Gestational Diabetes</a>: these are a firehose of information, which I love. Note that they may be frustrating for vegetarians and vegans though.</li>
<li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1558328807/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1558328807&linkId=4eb71556e8d66e36e134efc5eaaa44b9">The Birth Partner</a>: this reinforced a lot of the stuff that was in our birth prep class. It's nice to have something for any partners of the pregnant person to read but I took a look at it too. It's well-written and straightforward. Talks about more "natural" birth options without judging for or against them too much.</li>
<li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1558328823/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1558328823&linkId=345db8e95d8f7559a67a100a1e779a25">The Nursing Mother's Companion</a>: if you want to breastfeed, this is a good go-to reference to have on hand. I would recommend going to a class first (see below section on classes).</li>
<li>If you're at all curious about having a "natural" or unmedicated birth, the person you'll hear a lot about is Ina May Gaskin. She's basically the founder of the midwife revival in the U.S. so her stuff is pretty on the hippie side, but she's got so much experience that it's more trustworthy than I would have initially judged. Her <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553384295/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=0553384295&linkId=37e0d12aebc4f684a87d718580c99c83">breastfeeding book</a> is good, as is her <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553381156/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=0553381156&linkId=69e7a4402c28dc3f68c9835d4e3246b4">guide to childbirth</a>, as long as you carry the grain of salt that she's writing about medical practices that are a bit older. At least in the Portland area, even hospital practices are pretty progressive. I enjoyed reading the different birth stories in the childbirth book because they do cover a range of experiences (except scheduled C-sections, I think) but aren't as lengthy as some of the birth stories written up by bloggers. This book also helped me learn why you might want a midwife and/or a home birth, to the point that I would seriously consider those options for the next time around. The best part is taking in the attitude that women's bodies are designed to make giving birth possible and that you don't have to look at giving birth as just a dangerous activity where you do all this extra stuff "just in case" (the common medical attitude).</li>
<li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1421417324/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1421417324&linkId=bfdfec8ccb77709b0447232e2aa3d881">The Science of Mom: A Research-Based Guide to Your Baby's First Year</a>: I loved this book! It was the most actually scientifically rigorous book that I read, because other books purported to be science-based but weren't very good at presenting the research neutrally. This mostly covers decisions to be made post-delivery.</li>
<li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B019NFOJ5O/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B019NFOJ5O&linkId=e094eeee3b3209ce82e0817c76749d43">The Happiest Baby on the Block</a>: the 1 hour video, not the book. This introduces the concept of "the fourth trimester" and teaches you how to soothe babies in their first few months. Extremely useful.</li>
<li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1581108931/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1581108931&linkId=13a23b3ec3c5dadc56b1fa22e3d36f35">Heading Home With Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality</a>: if you are a first-time parent and don't have much experience caring for babies, this book is a great guide for the actual logistics of caretaking.</li>
<li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0692220216/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=0692220216&linkId=ecde9d3e38b30fd4b8cb912b8502641c">Birth Day: A Pediatrician Explores the Science, the History, and the Wonder of Childbirth</a>: just an enjoyable memoir by a pediatrician about births. I learned interesting stuff about the history of medicine around childbirth.</li>
<li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/039332978X/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=039332978X&linkId=55a3db99beae4984f2f6d266faa9239b">Great with Child: Letters to a Young Mother</a>: a collection of letters from a mother to a friend of hers that has beautiful reflections on what it feels like to become and be a mom.</li>
</ul>
<div>
I think I'll do a separate post on parenting books at a later point, since I'm working on a couple of ones about Montessori but haven't finished them yet.</div>
<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>CLASSES</b><br />
<br />
We got discounts on a bunch of classes through our doula. The most useful ones were the express birth prep (one 8-hour class rather than several hours one evening for several weeks in a row) and the breastfeeding classes. You might think, breastfeeding is natural, why do you need a class about it? I have learned a <i>lot</i> about breastfeeding in the last few months but to summarize, I like the phrase "breastfeeding is natural but that doesn't mean easy." If breastfeeding is something that's important to you, it's good to learn about what to do in the early days and how to know if things are going well. Getting support early, preferably from lactation consultants who are IBCLCs and work outside of the hospital, will make a big difference in setting you up for success. I might write a separate blog post about breastfeeding in particular at some point.<br />
<br />
It's also a good idea to take an infant CPR class at some point. We took it after the baby had been born because we could bring the baby with us to class. You don't actually practice on your baby that's breathing just fine, but it's kind of nice to have gotten familiar with what holding a real baby is like. On the other hand, having the baby with us also meant that the person who was in charge of the baby at the time missed whatever was being said.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>OTHER TIPS</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
After having your baby, know that the second night is very hard and that's totally normal. Our hospital gave us a packet of informational handouts and it included one about the second night in particular, which we read on...day 3.<br />
<br />
<br />
You can grab all the supplies in the room, housekeeping will just restock anyway and it's great to have lots of extra, especially all the postpartum items and wipes etc.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Reference guides I made for myself that I should clean up and share:</b> proposed schedule of tasks during pregnancy, reference guide for breastfeeding in the early days and weeks. I'll clean up and share them if anyone asks for them, I suppose.</div>KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-49235495174609314932017-07-26T19:14:00.000-07:002017-07-26T19:14:29.545-07:00Unsolicited advice #3: People think it's weird that I go to social events without my partnerOriginal letter at <a href="https://captainawkward.com/2017/07/20/999-wheres-spouse-is-he-avoiding-us/">Captain Awkward: #999 “Where’s [Spouse]? Is he avoiding us?”</a><br />
<br />
I am an introvert myself but I am also in a marriage where I tend to socialize on my own pretty frequently. Actually it's only been in the last couple years that I realized the prevalence of the expectation that couples generally go to social things as a unit, even outside of weddings. Anyway, I don't think your setup has to feel awkward nor that you have to cut back on your own outings.<br />
<br />
You can stop making excuses for your husband, but there is a middle ground between polite white lies and too much specificity about exactly why he's not there. If people ask where he is, try to take it as though they're politely inquiring that they hope he's well and not that they're insulted that he declined their invitation. You can pull out responses like these:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>"Oh, he ended up having other plans." (this might sound weird to extroverts but spending quiet time by yourself is a legit plan to introverts)</li>
<li>"He wasn't feeling up for it this time, but wanted me to come anyway."</li>
<li>"Large parties aren't really his thing, but I'm the opposite and get really energized by getting to hang out with so many people."</li>
</ul>
<div>
Just because people are asking about him not being there doesn't mean that you have to change your marital agreement that "He doesn’t mind if I socialize and I do not care if he takes a pass on 99% of the invitations sent our way." Just be cheerful and matter-of-fact about it. If you're fine with it, it shouldn't matter if other people think it's unusual. I have a brother-in-law who we all know doesn't especially enjoy long extended family events and we all just jokingly describe him as "an indoor cat."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Also, yes, it's not your responsibility to reassure others about whether your husband enjoys their company or not. You can suggest that you all get together for smaller social outings, but really, you only have to convey that <i>you</i> are excited to be there with them. I think the Captain Awkward advice of asking him to stop by for a few minutes to a neighborhood thing every so often is perfectly reasonable, but you don't have to take on the emotional labor for everyone involved. </div>
KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-36955577433938982062017-07-19T09:15:00.000-07:002017-07-19T09:15:18.177-07:00Unsolicited advice #2: Should I push through my panic disorder to get married in a church?<a href="https://apracticalwedding.com/brides-with-panic-disorder/">Original letter from A Practical Wedding</a>.<br />
<br />
A panic disorder is not something to push through to make your family and wedding guests happy. Making everyone else happy with the price of you vomiting from anxiety on the morning of your wedding is not a price that any reasonable person who loves you should expect you to go through with, no matter how respectful of tradition anyone wants to be. Nor is it rude to invite folks only to the reception rather than just the ceremony.<br />
<br />
However, similar to the response in <a href="https://apracticalwedding.com/eloping-family-drama/">this letter about eloping and family's reaction to that</a>, you won't be able to control other people's reactions to your decisions. I hope people will be understanding and compassionate, but probably at least some people will not be very considerate or kind. I'm sorry about that. Tradition is legitimate value to have, but when put up to your health, you get to choose your health.<br />
<br />
When it comes down to it, when others end up saying, "why can't you 'just' have a church ceremony like everyone else," they are kind of saying, "why can't you just not have an anxiety disorder"...which in a way, is something that you probably have common ground with them on! But wishing the disorder away is not a strategy that's going to succeed. You can be respectful to family that is being pushy about your decision to break from their vision for your wedding, while still having confidence that your choice is the best way to prevent your panic disorder from ruining your wedding: "Yes, I always thought I'd get married in a church as well, traditional weddings are very beautiful. It's not going to work for me. I hope you'll be able to celebrate my marriage with me even if my wedding isn't quite what you're used to."KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-5371755306166800282017-07-12T16:47:00.000-07:002017-07-12T16:48:05.904-07:00Unsolicited advice #1: My parents want me to pick a boring, stable careerI've been reading advice columns online for quite a long time now. I find them to be a fascinating peek into other people's lives and dilemmas and I've learned a lot from reading about other people's situations and the advice that's given. Of course, sometimes I find myself disagreeing with the advice, or I feel that the advice is from too different a worldview to be as useful as it could be. So, I'm going to try occasionally responding to those letters here instead. This one is from awhile ago that I felt strongly enough about to leave it as a comment.<br />
<br />
The original letter is #4 on <a href="http://www.askamanager.org/2015/12/i-keep-breaking-office-chairs-manager-asked-if-i-have-a-problem-working-for-a-woman-and-more.html">this Ask A Manager post</a>: "How do I convince my mom to let me pursue the career I want?"<br />
<br />
As a first generation Asian-American, and the oldest kid to boot, I feel you. My mom really wanted me to be a doctor and still nags me about going to grad school every so often.<br />
<br />
The first thing is, you should accept that it’s unlikely you’ll get your mom to the point of actively supporting and approving of a career in fashion design, “to let you be what you want.” Not saying it’s impossible, just unlikely, and you’ll be better off accepting it straight off rather than having that wishfulness guide your decisions. Spend some time grieving for the movie-perfect family resolution that you’d love to have, and then move on.<br />
<br />
The second thing is, as long as you are financially dependent on your parents and/or living with them, your options can be restricted by that. So start earning money to be able to support yourself and move out, and overall it should become easier to arrange your life as you want it, though visits homes can become rather fraught (Captain Awkward’s archives probably have good advice on handling those visits).<br />
<br />
Third, if you want to try to set the stage for eventually having a better relationship with your parents, it will help to take a look at the situation from their point of view. Many parents are most motivated by avoiding pain and fear for their children, since that will hit them harder than feeling the benefits from if you succeed and are happy. And they aren’t wrong that with more experience in “the real world,” salary and lifestyle often become more important than trying to get paid for your creative interests. Can you really know that you don’t want to live like your family does now? You may not know until you try it yourself (and I fully support your right to learn that for yourself!), but your mom isn’t wrong for wanting to spare you that, in case it goes poorly. If you can recognize and demonstrate your appreciation for your parents having your best interests at heart, you’ll be able to act more compassionately–even while disagreeing with their worldview and making decisions that they don’t approve of.<br />
<br />
Some of your mom’s motivation may be because she wants to be able to brag about your accomplishments to her friends, and they’ll be more impressed by an engineer than a fashion designer. Giving her the benefit of the doubt though, I’d bet that the fundamental thing is that she’s worried about what will happen to you when she’s gone and you don’t have a safety net anymore. Parents generally want their kids to be self-sufficient and independent too!<br />
<br />
So, the best strategy imo is to demonstrate how you will in fact be self-sufficient and independent and have thought through the practicalities of your choices, like applying for scholarships, doing research on cost of living, saving every penny you ever earn, working really really hard on your portfolio, talking to them about how you’re demonstrating responsibility, etc. It’s not a bad idea to compromise slightly and double major so you can cover something “practical” and something “for passion” at the same time. You want her to listen to you, but that’s what she’s wanting as well, isn’t it?<br />
<br />
Good luck!<br />
<br />
(fwiw, my background is that I ended up double majoring in Biology & Psychology and taking extra classes so I could both fulfill my parents’ requirements to continue getting my room & board paid for at college and still taking the “fun” art and psychology classes that I wanted to. Now I work as a software engineer, in a cubicle, and it’s a ton of fun for me, even if my mom still thinks all of our jobs are going to be outsourced some day and that being a doctor is the only real secure job “because people are always going to get sick”–can’t fault her logic there, really. She’s an engineer herself, after all!)<br />
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<br />KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-8947336062062649772016-08-18T15:03:00.001-07:002016-08-18T15:03:36.476-07:00The Sal-gorithm: an algorithm for making delicious saladsA few months ago, I decided I needed to solve the problem of often enjoying salad restaurants but being uninspired by the salads I made myself. The Sal-gorithm has worked out very well and simplified lunch decisions when I don't want to make a separate big thing to have as leftovers, as well as help me handle the influx of greens at the beginning of the summer farm share. Some examples of the output in <a href="https://goo.gl/photos/urnxqCSJf2DB3dYh9">this album</a>.<br />
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TDyOntoFziI/V7Yidnv0a7I/AAAAAAAAQZc/23k3oIALTwEEfh6ASJSYXIHd2Q3NLFOXwCLcB/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2016-08-18%2Bat%2B2.02.28%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TDyOntoFziI/V7Yidnv0a7I/AAAAAAAAQZc/23k3oIALTwEEfh6ASJSYXIHd2Q3NLFOXwCLcB/s640/Screen%2BShot%2B2016-08-18%2Bat%2B2.02.28%2BPM.png" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
The way it works is I pick a few items from each of the different categories in constructing grocery lists for the salad, which provides enough variety from week to week. <a href="https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YzvPTxr0OLXPaSirrmo5KlfIpLI9F9U5AMNL6ILPwWU/edit?usp=sharing">This chart</a> is printed out and on my fridge.<br />
<br />
Other tips:<br />
<ul>
<li>If my chosen green is something like kale, then I'll mix it all together, but if there are more delicate items, I might keep those separate and construct right before eating.</li>
<li>I have a large stainless steel bowl and set of tongs for tossing the salad with dressing, which is then decanted into the white shallow bowl-like plate. I learned this from a local salad restaurant, because while it's an extra bowl to wash, it gives you enough room to mix everything together but eating from a separate, smaller bowl/plate feels luxurious, rather than just eating from a giant mixing bowl.</li>
<li>Some <a href="http://www.seriouseats.com/2016/04/how-to-make-better-salads-chef-tips.html">more tips on constructing salad on Serious Eats</a>.</li>
</ul>
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<br />KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-44047138605120572282016-07-11T20:30:00.000-07:002017-03-23T13:50:20.301-07:00Recommendations for high school studentsThese are articles/books/videos that I feel are particularly helpful to high school students, for whenever I go to speak on career panels and such.<br />
<br />
<b>What to work on</b><br />
<br />
"<a href="http://www.paulgraham.com/hs.html">What You'll Wish You'd Known</a>," Paul Graham<br />
I dislike the dismissal of college admissions officers in this essay, but I support pretty much the rest of it. A few excerpts:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I'll start by telling you something you don't have to know in high school: what you want to do with your life. People are always asking you this, so you think you're supposed to have an answer. But adults ask this mainly as a conversation starter. They want to know what sort of person you are, and this question is just to get you talking. They ask it the way you might poke a hermit crab in a tide pool, to see what it does.<br />
...<br />
Right now most of you feel your job in life is to be a promising college applicant. But that means you're designing your life to satisfy a process so mindless that there's a whole industry devoted to subverting it. No wonder you become cynical.<br />
...<br />
Rebellion is almost as stupid as obedience. In either case you let yourself be defined by what they tell you to do. The best plan, I think, is to step onto an orthogonal vector. Don't just do what they tell you, and don't just refuse to. Instead treat school as a day job. As day jobs go, it's pretty sweet. You're done at 3 o'clock, and you can even work on your own stuff while you're there.</blockquote>
<div>
"<a href="http://www.presentationzen.com/presentationzen/2016/05/success-the-art-of-developing-your-inner-coach.html">Building Your Inner Coach</a>" (18min TEDx talk), Brett Ledbetter<br />
Focus on building your processes and systems towards your goals and success, rather than just the results themselves.</div>
<br />
"<a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/mitch_resnick_let_s_teach_kids_to_code?language=en">Let's Teach Kids to Code</a>" (17min TED talk), Mitch Resnick<br />
People are growing up as tech <i>users</i>, but not necessarily tech <i>builders</i>. You don't have to think of yourself as a "computer person" to give learning to code a try. But perhaps you should think of it as: do you want to give instructions to computers, or only receive them instead? The former gives you more of the thing that all teenagers want, which is: freedom.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Figuring out what you want to do for a career</b><br />
<br />
<a href="http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/the_dilbert_blog/2007/07/career-advice.html">Career advice from the creator of Dilbert</a>, Scott Adams<br />
<div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
1. Become the best at one specific thing.<br />
2. Become very good (top 25%) at two or more things.<br />
...<br />
The second strategy is fairly easy. Everyone has at least a few areas in which they could be in the top 25% with some effort. In my case, I can draw better than most people, but I’m hardly an artist. And I’m not any funnier than the average standup comedian who never makes it big, but I’m funnier than most people. The magic is that few people can draw well and write jokes. It’s the combination of the two that makes what I do so rare. And when you add in my business background, suddenly I had a topic that few cartoonists could hope to understand without living it.<br />
...<br />
Capitalism rewards things that are both rare and valuable. You make yourself rare by combining two or more “pretty goods” until no one else has your mix. </blockquote>
<div>
<div>
<div>
<i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1455509124/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1455509124&linkId=5e7105392a9a7fb81f0649d021af021b">So Good They Can't Ignore You</a></i>, Cal Young</div>
<div>
The book that introduced me to the idea that "follow your passion" advice gets it wrong because your aim should be to get <i>really, really </i>good at something. I like to tell people that things you're looking for are pursuits where you enjoy the process of getting better at it.</div>
</div>
<br />
<a href="http://www.askamanager.org/2016/03/how-do-i-choose-a-career-path.html">How do I choose a career path?</a><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I just took jobs I could get using skills I felt reasonably confident I had (for me, at the start, those were writing and being compulsively organized), and then over the course of doing those jobs, gathered and refined information about what I liked doing and what I was good at and what other people thought I was good at and were willing to let me do more of.</blockquote>
</div>
</div>
<div>
<a href="http://apracticalwedding.com/2016/03/career-change-happy-job/">The Secret to Being Happy with Your Job: It's not 'follow your passion'</a><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I figured out that biggest mistake I’d been making was asking “What job would I want?” instead of “What do I want out of my job?” In other words, I needed to shift from statements like, “I want to be a writer,” or “I want to be a fashion designer,” or “I want to run my own business,” to “I want a creative atmosphere,” or “I want to work in a team setting.” Because “I want to be a writer” doesn’t actually mean anything tangible.<br />
...<br />
I like data, so I made a massive list of every workplace quality that had given me joy, and conversely, the ones that made me miserable.<br />
...<br />
After that, I started asking everyone about what moment in their job made it worth it. The most memorable response came from an engineer who said his happened when he “solved the problem.” Not when the product was made. Not when it was delivered. Not when it was sold. Don’t get me wrong, many people listed more than one core moment. But it became clear that I needed more of whatever it was that made me stoked.</blockquote>
<div>
</div>
</div>
<br />
<b>Informational interviews</b><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.askamanager.org/2016/02/cold-emailing-strangers-to-ask-for-career-advice.html">Cold-emailing strangers to ask for career advice</a>: some things that you can do that will make people more likely to want to help you<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.askamanager.org/2015/02/actually-useful-questions-to-ask-in-informational-interviews.html">Actually useful questions to ask in informational interviews</a>: "don’t just focus on being impressive (which is the pitfall a lot of people fall into), but think seriously about what you’re really wondering about"<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<b>Doing well at your first jobs</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<a href="http://money.usnews.com/money/blogs/outside-voices-careers/2014/02/26/5-mistakes-smart-people-make-at-work">5 Mistakes Smart People Make at Work</a>: These are all good points, especially "if you’re used to being 'the smart one' and things have always come easily to you, you might not have built up the skills you need for when things are hard."<br />
<br />
<a href="http://money.usnews.com/money/blogs/outside-voices-careers/2014/04/28/what-your-internship-manager-wishes-you-knew">What Your Internship Manager Wishes You Knew</a>: all good, especially:<br />
<ul>
<li>"Working an internship is different from being in school"</li>
<li>"college often rewards lengthy explorations of a single topic. In the work world, shorter is nearly always better"</li>
<li>"Effort is nice, but it’s not what matters" </li>
</ul>
<a href="http://www.askamanager.org/2016/05/if-youre-a-new-grad-here-are-some-things-for-you.html">A roundup of other relevant Ask a Manager posts for new grads</a>.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/the-things-you-dont-know-about-work-when-youre-early-in-your-career.html">15 things you don’t know about work when you’re early in your career</a>: again all good points, especially:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>"I’m the only person who’s fully immersed in my own day-to-day work, and I have to speak up when I want my boss to fix something."</li>
<li>"leaders are far more interested in how you plan to fix the issue vs. who was responsible for causing it."</li>
<li>(misconception that) "If a process or tool doesn’t work the way an employee thinks it should, it must be broken and in need of fixing. In a lot of situations where this came up, the employee didn’t have (and didn’t seek out) any background on why we did things the way we did, and just assumed management must be idiots. In reality, there were nearly always valid (and sometimes legal / regulatory) reasons why things worked the way they did."</li>
<li>(misconception that) "If I see something I perceive to be a problem and report it, my work is done and someone else will fix it."</li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
<b>Other</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0143126369/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=ajerhoowed-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=0143126369&linkId=97918d1ff8093dcbe18eed0c9a5cd548"><i>The UpSide of Down</i></a>, Megan McArdle<br />
Megan McArdle have been my favorite bloggers to read for several years now, I just like her writing and argument style a lot, and it's informed <i>how</i> I think about things, even if I don't always agree with her. Anyway, this is her book about failure and why it is necessary yet difficult to accept as a part of improving over time.KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-24838283363180432872016-07-05T20:30:00.000-07:002016-07-06T15:29:37.572-07:00Keeping track of your accomplishmentsIt's really valuable to keep an ongoing list of what you've actually been doing at your job. This is helpful for:<br />
<ul>
<li>writing the self-assessment part of a performance review at the end of a quarter</li>
<li>help your boss make a clear, specific case for you to be promoted, and not rely on their distractable memory</li>
<li>updating your resume/LinkedIn when the time comes</li>
<li>reminding yourself that you have been competent and gotten stuff done before, if you're feeling frustrated or having a bad day</li>
</ul>
<br />
I just have a Google Doc called "Accomplishments" that I'll add things to every so often, including any kudos or compliments that I receive from co-workers. I'll also write up a short description of a project I worked on that succinctly describes why that project matters to the business and what was hard (and therefore impressive) about my part of it.<br />
<div>
<br />
Example:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Trace Store Service Integration<br />
Migrate from directly accessing databases through ActiveRecord to using a Thrift service instead, enabling our Data Services team to change storage backends without disruption to our end users.<br />
Team size: 2</blockquote>
</div>
<div>
Don't forget to <a href="http://kwugirl.blogspot.com/2015/01/best-tip-for-writing-status-updates.html">check if someone would still ask "so what?"</a> at the end of your writeup!</div>
KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-278928312605807602016-06-27T20:30:00.000-07:002016-06-27T20:30:27.124-07:00Getting good feedback from practice talksThis is a collection of tips I've gathered over the last few years on how to get more from practice runs of a talk that you're working on. The first step, of course, is to run practices in the first place. These are optional extras on top of that.<br />
<br />
<b>Scheduling your practice</b><br />
<ul>
<li>I mostly run practices at work, so I'll book a conference room that fits around 10 people.</li>
<li>In the calendar event, include the title and abstract for your talk, as well as any relevant details about the conference (when is it? what is the target audience like?) and target length of your talk.</li>
<li>Select your practice audience based on people that you know to be supportive and skilled at giving constructive, kind feedback.</li>
<li>Prior familiarity with your topic doesn't matter as much--maybe one or two people who could comment on "correctness", if that's something you're worried about, but getting feedback from people of "this part was confusing" is already very valuable.</li>
<li>Invite ~3-8 people--enough for a spread of opinions and having at least a couple people that do show up.</li>
<li>If your practice audience seems open to some coaching on giving feedback on practice talks, <a href="http://kwugirl.blogspot.com/2014/12/some-thoughts-on-giving-feedback.html">this old post of mine on giving feedback</a> may be useful and this post by Lara Hogan on <a href="http://larahogan.me/blog/giving-presentation-feedback/">Giving Presentation Feedback</a> in particular is excellent.</li>
</ul>
<b><br /></b>
<b>During the practice</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Turn on slide numbers in the footer of your slides, so that audience members can write down the slide number associated with the feedback they want to give. (<a href="https://support.apple.com/kb/PH16923?viewlocale=en_AE&locale=en_AE">instructions for Keynote</a>)</li>
<li>Thank your audience for coming and give them some context on the feedback you're looking for right now. I usually write down these points on a whiteboard in the room to remind them of what my focus is. </li>
<ul>
<li>Could be: "overall flow and structure" or "do the technical explanations make sense for an audience of ____" or "physical or verbal tics" or "nitpicking on slides." </li>
<li>A sample set of questions from a friend who ran a practice talk:</li>
<ul>
<li>Are these helpful/interesting topics to cover?</li>
<li>What else do you think would be helpful?</li>
<li>Was the format understandable?</li>
<li>Was the format entertaining?</li>
<li>How could I add more funny pictures/entertain you more?</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<li>Tell your audience what you <i>aren't</i> looking for feedback on right now (could be any of those items in the previous bullet too!) See this on <a href="https://42floors.com/blog/startups/thirty-percent-feedback">the difference between asking for 30% vs. 90% feedback</a>.</li>
<li>If you're testing out timing, either <a href="http://kwugirl.blogspot.com/2015/05/slide-building-tips.html">set up your view so that you see a timer</a> or ask someone in your audience to keep an eye on this. Recently when I was worried about the length of a particular talk, I asked someone to write down the times for each major section title as I hit it, so I could put those into my notes and see the breakdown overall.</li>
<li>When you're ready to receive feedback, put your slides into <a href="https://support.apple.com/kb/PH16974?locale=en_US">light table mode</a> and project that, to help your audience pick out which part of the talk they'd like to discuss.</li>
</ul>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PHa4DzgeBws/V2m0rRimHpI/AAAAAAAAPsc/E4L0Yyz11OA7T1UhLNd2rdZhG-c18mOxQCLcB/s1600/lighttable.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="377" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PHa4DzgeBws/V2m0rRimHpI/AAAAAAAAPsc/E4L0Yyz11OA7T1UhLNd2rdZhG-c18mOxQCLcB/s640/lighttable.png" width="640" /></a></div>
<ul>
<li>You don't have to make all or the exact changes that your audience suggests, but you should take the opportunity to ask questions and understand where they're coming from, in looking for improvements you can make.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<b>After the practice</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Add their names to <a href="https://speakerdeck.com/kwugirl/harnessing-the-supernerd-hivemind-the-power-of-feedback?slide=136">a thank you slide</a>.</li>
<li>Send the finished slides to the people who attended a practice talk, so they can feel gratified by the final, pretty version!</li>
</ul>
KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-45286085241671970922016-06-23T20:30:00.000-07:002016-06-23T20:36:41.185-07:00What my Tiger Parents taught usThanks, Mom & Dad.<br />
<br />
<b>How to be successful</b><br />
<br />
<i>1. Things are fun when you get good at them, and getting good at things requires effort.</i><br />
<br />
When I first started getting into <a href="http://kwugirl.github.io/personal-domain/#talks">giving conference talks</a>, I had a conversation with a co-worker about a potential topic idea. He said it didn’t sound like I was that excited about it, which I wasn’t, but in my eyes, the point was the giving a talk part. He then shared that for his whole life, he’d only ever been able to do things that he was interested in, and I was so surprised! I feel that literally my entire childhood was about training to acquire the discipline to go after what I want, even if the process wasn’t always fun right then.<br />
<br />
In fact, when my mom got a bunch of old home videos digitized and we were watching them, there was a clip of me in the backyard and my mom telling to “go play!” and I teased her that it was good she had this on video, because I would never of believed it happened. She was slightly offended.<br />
<br />
In any case, I have absolute confidence in myself that I have the capability to do boring things I don’t want to do, when I need to.<br />
<br />
<i>2. If something was worth doing, it was worth trying to do well.</i><br />
<br />
True story: I took up chess club in high school because I thought it might be considered highbrow enough by my parents that I could get away with playing a game for fun. I know they weren’t fooled though, because otherwise they would’ve gotten me books and learned to play themselves to help me get better at it.<br />
<br />
They always, always helped my sister and me get better at what we wanted to do, pouring themselves in studying some activity to try to crack it and pass their insights onto us.<br />
<br />
<i>3. Confidence and self-esteem comes from a deep belief in yourself, with evidence from a track record of success in what you pursued.</i><br />
<br />
They always had high expectations of us, to the point where I once complained to my mom that it felt like in their eyes, we were at the highest potential at the point of birth and it’s been downhill since then, due to lectures about how we used to be doing so well and now were failing in some way--but never having heard the “doing well” part at the time.<br />
<br />
I learned from reading <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0143120581/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0143120581&linkCode=as2&tag=ajerhoowed-20&linkId=KQGM7HLBV7GDGPGP"><i>Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother</i></a> that really, they were trying to transfer their *own* belief in us and our potential, to have their confidence us become our own. I mentioned this epiphany to my mom and she was very matter-of-factly like, “Of course. If you didn’t have the potential, there would have been no point in trying to help you realize it.” lol<br />
<br />
See <a href="http://www.glamour.com/story/mindy-kaling-guide-to-killer-confidence">Mindy Kaling’s essay</a> on this as well.<br />
<br />
<i>4. Education isn’t about the actual content you learn.</i><br />
<br />
My parents always emphasized that all education was about “learning how to think” and that it didn’t matter whether they could remember the details of calculus or whether they used it in their daily lives now. What was important was that they *had* learned it at some point in the past, and it was the process of learning that was important.<br />
<br />
Also, sometimes you just have to jump through hoops. As immigrants to a new culture, you learn how to figure out and play the rules within the system to get what you want.<br />
<br />
Another consequence of this is that cheating is completely besides the point. If you work hard, you’ll learn that there is a correlation between your effort and the results--maybe not always as tight a correlation as you would like, but working backwards gets you nothing.<br />
<br />
Related: <a href="http://kwugirl.blogspot.com/2015/06/asian-parents-teach-far-more-than-just.html">Asian parents teach far more than just "rote memorization"</a><br />
<br />
<i>5. Always look for where you could have improved.</i><br />
<br />
This is the famous “oh you got 99% on a math test? What did you get wrong?” scenario, but a reflexive quest for excellence is a useful one.<br />
<br />
<i>6. Get realistic and pragmatic feedback and don’t give up.</i><br />
<br />
This could sometimes be a bit brutal, and my sister and I later taught our mother the role of encouragement in effectively getting people to listen to your feedback, but their goal was toughen us up to hear the message in pursuit of getting better.<br />
<br />
<i>7. Make arguments based on logic, not authority.</i><br />
<br />
We definitely have the “respect your elders for their greater life experience” thing, but it was rarely a “because I said so” situation. They lectured us with logic—“why shouldn’t we do better than they did with their lives, with all the advantages that they didn’t have?” Hard to refute, and really, this is the earliest formulation of the idea of privilege that I learned.<br />
<br />
<i>8. Do the best you can.</i><br />
<br />
It always makes me tear up a bit when I think of the love involved here: my mom always read to us before we went to bed, in English, even when English was hard for her. I have a warm memory of my mom reading Winnie-the-Pooh to me and struggling over the words a bit, until I corrected her pronunciation. But she was fine with that, she was proud of me for knowing more than her, and kept going.<br />
<br />
They *tried* to do American rituals, like Santa and the tooth fairy. Even if the execution wasn’t always particularly solid (I stopped believing in Santa at something like age 3, because I saw the presents in the back of the car on the way home from the mall), they tried to give us a normal American childhood.<br />
<br />
They always did what was best for us, even when we hated it. “You’ll thank me some day” was a frequent phrase. And, well, it’s true, they were right! It was never about their own egos, and we never doubted their intent.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>How to be independent</b><br />
<br />
<i>9. Have a healthy dose of fear of consequences, but not that much.</i><br />
<br />
My mom has told me that she sees the duty of parents as to watch over their kids in environments where the kids *felt* like there was risk and danger but not in any actual severe sense, so we could learn how to handle ourselves when they could still be around to help us recover, if needed.<br />
<br />
Examples:<br />
<ul>
<li>my mom gave me a credit card when I was 15 to start learning about credit and had me still mail all the credit card statements home through college, to make sure I didn’t accidentally end up over my head in debt.</li>
<li>my dad would often get us to drive on the highway back from airports to make sure we still practiced that despite no longer driving regularly after moving out</li>
</ul>
<br />
<i>10. You are capable and in charge of handling your own life, but we’re here to back you up.</i><br />
<br />
At my wedding, my mom gave a toast that was about how the second-to-last time she ever involved herself directly with my education, it was to ask the teacher why I’d gotten a 99 on a standardized test in elementary school. When the teacher told her this was the highest score you could get because it was measured in percentiles, she expressed that that never occurred to her because in China, there is only 100 as the top score! That toast was a huge hit.<br />
<br />
For most of the rest of my schooling, she wanted us to manage our own homework schedules and such—just like a good boss, she made sure we knew the objectives and desired end goal (good grades) and then let us accomplish them however we thought best. She never read any of the permission slips we brought home and just signed wherever we told her. (Note that never once did it occur to us to take advantage of this in some way.)<br />
<br />
The last time she involved herself was when my high school principal was considering blocking me from going on a trip for an Academic Team (Quizbowl/trivia team) competition because I’d missed too many days of school attending other competitions and visiting colleges. She got him on the phone and after she was through with him, we never heard a peep again. I think she basically argued, isn’t the purpose of being in class to get those grades, and if her grades are impeccable without being there all the time, isn’t that proof that being in class doesn’t matter that much? Do you really want to set a precedent for penalizing a student for being too successful? Ha.<br />
<br />
<i>11. You can adapt to most things.</i><br />
<br />
My parents took us traveling pretty often and picked up the whole family when my mom was transferred to work in Bangkok for a few years. I switched schools every 2 years up until high school, so being “the new girl” never seemed like a big deal to me.<br />
<br />
<i>12. Everyone has a job in a family unit.</i><br />
<br />
Our job as the kids was do well at school. I think this is why we didn’t fall prey to caring (very much) about <a href="http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html">popularity in school</a>.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Integrity</b><br />
<br />
<i>13. Don’t take advantage of other people when you’re more fortunate than they are.</i><br />
<br />
This doesn’t apply to businesses though, my mom always said, “it’s not like they’re going to ring me up to tell me when they’ve overcharged me.”<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-71138723301300558312016-05-27T18:52:00.000-07:002016-05-27T18:52:47.897-07:00Sometimes our code examples don't make senseI was reading some technical article the other day that started talking about class hierarchy and used the common setup<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
class Child < Parent</blockquote>
at which point I got distracted because it occurred to me for the first time--this example doesn't actually make sense! If you're using inheritance in (what I understand to be) the correct way, anyway. It doesn't make sense to subclass <i>Child</i> from <i>Parent</i>, because <i>Child</i> is not in fact a type of <i>Parent.</i> If your parent (ahem) class is going to be <i>Parent</i>, then really any subclasses should be things like <i>SingleParent</i>, or <i>Mother</i>, or <i>AsianDad</i>, or whatever else (and maybe these should all be modules anyway, to mix-in different behaviors...if different kinds of parents are all that different from each other in the first place anyway).<br />
<br />
I guess we use the Child < Parent setup because we're thinking of class inheritance like a tree, which we can map in our heads to a family tree, and the "children" inherit some genetic material and behaviors from the parents. But maybe this should instead just be a class like Smith, from which you get many instances of different Smiths, and some instances of Smiths are related to other instances of Smith?<br />
<br />
The different kinds of animals (Corgi < Dog) or sports examples might be more sensible generally.KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-62106964593470017562016-05-05T05:22:00.001-07:002017-01-30T12:09:15.345-08:00Wow Code, Such Read!This talk was presented as a lightning talk at the New Relic afterparty for RailsConf 2016 and as a 30 minute talk at <a href="http://www.rubyconf.co/">RubyConf Colombia</a> in Medellín.<br />
<br />
Abstract:<br />
When we learn to code, that usually means learning how to *write* code. However in practice, we spend a lot of time *reading* code instead! It’s the way we find answers to questions about how things work. Reading code efficiently is therefore a very valuable skill. This talk will cover how Ruby developers can improve this skill, with tips for comprehending and debugging code faster. We'll also take a look at how you’d go one level deeper and read Ruby’s own source code, even if you don’t know much about C!<br />
<br />
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/u2VrYZDh-4g" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
Slides:<br />
<script async="" class="speakerdeck-embed" data-id="a96203bf2acf49f6bf7e26e7b042f4a2" data-ratio="1.77777777777778" src="//speakerdeck.com/assets/embed.js"></script>
Lightning talk slides:<br />
<script async="" class="speakerdeck-embed" data-id="64ccc05f8497414baf55e94f944a4eec" data-ratio="1.77777777777778" src="//speakerdeck.com/assets/embed.js"></script>
Response to my talk, on Storify: <a href="https://storify.com/kwugirl/wow-code-such-read">lightning talk version</a>, <a href="https://storify.com/kwugirl/wow-code-such-read-rubyconf-colombia">RubyConf Colombia</a>.KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-88394433170676633362016-03-17T08:30:00.001-07:002016-03-17T08:30:56.090-07:00Getting better at thinking on your feet as introvertA few months ago, I did a mentoring session with someone who wanted to get better at thinking on her feet. Specifically, she described feeling tongue-tied in the moments when her boss stopped by her desk to ask her for an opinion on some decision, technical or otherwise. I identified with this a lot; I think it’s fairly common for introverts, who tend to need more time on their own to process ideas, as opposed to extroverts who thrive off the stimulation from bouncing ideas back and forth in a group. I'm going to break down some tactics for handling these situations into three categories: in the moment, afterwards, and before the next time.<br />
<br />
<b>In The Moment</b><br />
<br />
I think that when you’re in the moment and your brain freezes, part of the anxiety is from feeling like someone's shoved a pop quiz in your face, with an impossibly short time to try to pass it. I worry that if I don’t come up with the right words, my boss will think I’m stupid or not constantly thinking about Important Work Topics. Or perhaps even worse, if I steer a decision in the wrong direction, I’ll have <i>ruined everything</i>. And this combined with a tendency to go over conversations later on and try to replay them and see all the areas where I could’ve done better, if only I could script my life like a witty and fast-paced Aaron Sorkin dialogue…well, it’s not a very productive way of approaching these situations.<br />
<br />
A more productive frame might be to consider a different set of goals. Any boss that makes a snap judgment based on a single short interaction isn’t someone whose good opinion you have a lot of control over winning anyway, so your focus should be on getting stuff right in the long-term. So, in the moment of that particular conversation, your goal is to understand the question and context as much as possible. It’s information <i>gathering</i>, not impromptu opinionating.<br />
<br />
As always, consider your particular audience. I got feedback in a performance review once that my manager knew I was committed to helping the team succeed, but basically he thought it would help people’s perceptions of that if I were able to demonstrate more initial enthusiasm to new project ideas rather than immediately jumping to the ways in which it might fail. I’m trying to help when I do that! If I didn’t want you to succeed, I would just let it die with indifference :P But ok, not everyone reads it that way. I’m dispositionally still not a “ooo shiny new thing!” person, but it has seemed to help to at least start with something like, “oh cool, so you want to [the positive part of the goal]? And this would let us [whatever vision is being sold]?”<br />
<br />
Plus, while you’re restating the question to confirm your understanding and asking follow up questions about details, you’re also buying some time for your brain to churn on in the background to possibly come up with some preliminary statement: “based on what I’m hearing from you right now, it sounds like ___ might be a good place to start. What do you think?” In general, “thinking on your feet” can also just be considered “thinking out loud,” which isn’t natural for many of us but you can get more comfortable with it over time, especially if you consider that the person asking wants your opinion and wants to stay connected while you’re thinking something over.<br />
<br />
Even if that doesn’t happen, though, in the vast majority of cases it should be acceptable to say something along the lines of, “ok, I think I understand the question, but I’ll need a bit more time to think through it. When do you need my input by?” or even, “you know, I’m not sure what I think about that just yet. I’d like to [some set of actions, including consulting others/the internet or doing some exploration], could I get back to you by [however long you think you’d need to feel more confident in your conclusions]?”<br />
<br />
Really those are just variations of “I don’t know yet, but I will find out and I need to do it in my way” which when you’re not used to it, can feel kind of scary to broach. If you feel you need permission to take that route, I am hereby granting it! :) You are allowed to propose a way of doing things that will work better for you, and good managers will help you figure out the intersection between the constraints of the work and your strengths and needs. From there it does take some practice to train your ego to be ok with this approach, but hopefully you’ll receive enough positive feedback. And in any case, it’s worth trying if your alternatives are saying nothing at all or saying something that makes you wince later.<br />
<br />
<b>Afterwards</b><br />
<br />
Ideally you’ve already set yourself up for following up later with a more thought-out conclusion, but even if you hadn’t, there’s nothing stopping you from doing so anyway. If you’re worried about being seen as someone that’s indecisive, that can be mitigated by demonstrating what you’ve taken into account later that you didn’t before. People very much value thoughtfulness, delivered within a reasonable timeframe, which doesn’t have to be on-demand. Also, you can use this technique even if you’re not changing your mind, when you’re instead wanting to further strengthen your initial response, like, “I’m even more confident now that this is the right thing to do because ___.”<br />
<br />
For what it’s worth, I’ve even done this for some interviews—if there was a question I felt like I flubbed a bit or had more to say on after later consideration, I’ve emailed my interviewer with a (still mostly concise) answer. I haven’t gotten up the courage to ask my former-interviewers-now-colleagues whether they responded well to this, and no one I’ve interviewed on the other side has done it yet either, so I’m not totally sure on how successful it is. But in general it makes me feel better that for most decisions*, the “it’s too late!!” point is much farther off than you’d usually think in the moment.<br />
<br />
<b>Before the Next Time</b><br />
<br />
The tactics in the previous two sections might be ok if they only need to be used once awhile, but if you find yourself frequently confronted with situations where you fear freezing, it might be worth considering applying some longer-term strategies as well.<br />
<br />
First, for every new manager I have, I like having a “Getting to Know You” introductory conversation where we talk about our working style preferences. This was something they encouraged at Google when I first started working there and since then, I’ve had something like 11 different managers over 5 different roles in 7.5 years of working and I feel it’s been pretty useful technique. It’s less fraught to talk about this sort of thing ahead of time, before you're all up to your neck in some conflict and only then discover a difference in expectations.<br />
<br />
My spiel includes a bit about how even though I can come across as fairly sociable and smiley, I’m still a very strong introvert in drawing energy from alone time and that one of the ways this manifests at work is that I need time to think about what I think about something. Also, sometimes I need help from others to draw out what I might be thinking, because I live in my head a lot and may forget that what’s apparent to me isn’t obvious to everyone else too. This way, I’ve done what I can upfront to mitigate the impression that I’m a taciturn bear. My manager can hopefully default to "I need to remember how KWu prefers to communicate and that she doesn't like being surprised" vs. "KWu hates everything I say."<br />
<br />
Second, whether it’s in meetings with your manager or with others, you can “cheat” a bit on appearing as though you’re "thinking on your feet" by doing all that work ahead of time instead! I always look for an agenda. If there isn’t an agenda, I’ll ask the facilitator if there’s anything I should prepare. If there is one (thank you, meeting facilitators doing a good job), then I can reflect on it a bit and mentally plot out a few likely directions for where the conversation might go and what I think about it, before anyone’s asking questions. It’s also ok to just decide you don’t have an opinion on a particular topic and inform people of that, it lets them move on quickly.<br />
<br />
<b>Conclusion</b><br />
<br />
Don’t despair at not looking like the kind of high energy extrovert we tend to see/hear more frequently, especially in American workplaces. You can figure out what works for you, and your strengths will be appreciated.<br />
<br />
<br />
*of course, this doesn’t apply if you’re holding someone’s life in your hands. One of the various reasons I did not share my mother’s desire for me to become a doctor…KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-64921851450572694792015-12-29T08:25:00.000-08:002016-01-05T22:29:57.923-08:00Resources for learning about personal finance<div>
When I was around 20, I started to be really really into reading about personal finance. I was fortunate enough to have come from a very comfortable middle class upbringing, where my mom started training us from an early age to balance a checkbook and use credit cards responsibly and that sort of thing. Probably the most important thing was the sense that money wasn't magic, and learning what to do (or not) with it was a reasonable and achievable task--basic math + skepticism of "too good to be true" situations + figuring out your own psychology (that's the hardest part).<br />
<br />
So I was curious to learn more once I had to pay for my own stuff and over the years, I've developed the below set of recommendations (some specifics only applicable in the U.S. though). I wrote this up for an email to a co-worker a couple months back and have wanted to reference its contents since then, which is usually a good sign that I should turn something into a blog post so that I can be lazy :D Links below are affiliate ones, but I would look for them at public libraries first.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
My go-to recommendation for people just getting into managing their finances better is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1440570841/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1440570841&linkCode=as2&tag=ajerhoowed-20&linkId=UOHL46SI62V26S5C" rel="nofollow"><i>On My Own Two Feet: A Modern Girl's Guide to Personal Finance</i></a>; I suppose I have mostly talked to women about this in the past. I don't remember the "for girls!!" part of it to be too annoying, just that it wasn't too long or overcomplicated. Ramit Sethi's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0761147489/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0761147489&linkCode=as2&tag=ajerhoowed-20&linkId=CJA4XXGZZ44VM7GV" rel="nofollow"><i>I Will Teach You To Be Rich</i></a> also has good coverage, so you can just decide which title/book cover you're less put off by, probably. <br />
<br />
I think <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0596809409/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0596809409&linkCode=as2&tag=ajerhoowed-20&linkId=GBIRB45P2IQXTTNB" rel="nofollow"><i>Your Money: The Missing Manual</i></a> is probably also good, I used to follow his Get Rich Slowly blog (until it was sold and the type of content changed). He had a series of 14 posts that went through his core principles about money (Tenet #1: <a href="http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/2009/09/28/money-is-more-about-mind-than-it-is-about-math/">Money is more about mind than it is about math</a>, & so forth). Probably a good place to start if you're from a family without good role models for personal finances.<br />
<br />
If you want to get into investing, I really enjoyed <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1118921283/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1118921283&linkCode=as2&tag=ajerhoowed-20&linkId=FFVVW3KPCSPRYZSQ" rel="nofollow"><i>The Bogleheads' Guide to Investing</i></a> -- I actually read this in its entirety during a cruise to the Caribbean! Their follow up book on retirement planning was all over the place though, I definitely don't recommend that. The tl;dr for the book is put your money into large index mutual funds with a brokerage that charges low fees, like Vanguard. I've been mostly putting my money into various "target retirement" accounts, where they'll adjust the ratio over time, with a bit extra into certain low-fee stock funds because I'm ok with having a bit more risk there.<br />
<br />
Overall I put in effort up front to figure out a system for my money (this much towards savings each month, etc.) and then I can just lightly monitor that, rather than have to do stuff more actively. I shove as much as I can into the various accounts and then let it sit there to grow without fussing or worrying over it (more on this in the "misc" section below).<br />
<br />
The order of operations that I consider the sensible order for getting a handle on your money is:<br />
<ol>
<li>Figure out where your money is coming/going currently: I have a rough budget set up in Mint, but mostly once a month I sit down to review everything and do a month-over-month comparison to see expenses by category and net income. You don't have to do it like that, you just want a sense of where your paycheck is going and what your debts are.</li>
<li>Automate savings/bill payments: I dislike remembering due dates but also paying late fees.</li>
<li>Emergency fund of at least 6 months of living expenses if you were to have no income at all. This should be in a savings account where you can withdraw this cash at any time; I have an account where I get slightly better savings interest rate if I use my debit card a certain number of times a month and do direct deposit, etc. I use Mint to track all my accounts, so I don't mind having a bunch of different ones to look at, and so I'll also take advantage of offers that are like "open a savings account with us and we'll give you $300" since basically that's just a different place to park some portion of my savings for a bit. </li>
<li>Max out any company 401k matching: When I first started working, I poured all the for-retirement money I was diverting from my salary into a pre-tax 401k, because that meant I could max out the match while still having a bit more take-home pay. Nowadays I split it roughly evenly between a pre-tax 401k and a Roth 401k. There are differing philosophies on why you might choose one over the other, but there's guesswork involved in all of them so don't worry about the perfect solution all that much, we're probably all at least a little bit wrong.</li>
<li>Max out a Roth IRA: there is an annual limit on how much you can put into these per fiscal year ($5500 for us millennials, more if you're older), based on <a href="https://www.irs.gov/Retirement-Plans/Amount-of-Roth-IRA-Contributions-That-You-Can-Make-For-2015">a sliding income limit</a>.</li>
<li>Max out 401k contributions: the IRS annual limit is currently $18,000. In the past I've done it as either at max percentage at the beginning of the year until the cap is reached and the money can start (hopefully) growing asap, and I feel poor for awhile and then I feel really rich when my paychecks are full-size again, but it got annoying from a figuring out household budget perspective, so now I figure out a rough percentage that would spread out the contributions over the calendar year a bit more and then round up, to make sure I don't accidentally miss it before the end of the year. </li>
<li>Pay down debts: any credit card, car loans, student loans, etc. This should be higher up on the list if you have a high amount and high interest rates though, as high as #3 imo. I put it lower because the 401k/Roth IRA stuff has limits on it per calendar year, so if your debts are mostly monthly car/student/mortgage types, that might take you awhile to pay off in any case. But credit card debt should be wiped out much more quickly, the benefits from compound interest in retirement/investment do not outweigh interest rates there.</li>
<li>General brokerage investing: if you're going to invest directly in stocks, etc. I have a bit of this somewhere, but mostly the rest of any leftover money for me gets dumped into a general savings account that I'll eventually draw from for a house down payment. I've experimented with smaller targeted savings accounts, like a "just for fun whatever no guilt" and "vacation fund" etc. but that didn't work for me, I'd rather judge based on the expense rather than budget in that way. </li>
</ol>
Miscellaneous:<br />
<ul>
<li>The "don't worry as much about where you're saving to, just save a ton" thing:</li>
<ul>
<li>"<a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2011/12/saving-the-new-year/250554/">What describes most of those years when we aren't saving is normal life.</a>"</li>
<li>"<a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2011/12/where-to-save/250608/">You are not going to beat seasoned, well connected professionals on an amateur basis.</a>"</li>
<li>"<a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2011/12/how-to-save/250664/">You'll have to make up your own mind about what the future is likely to hold.</a>"</li>
</ul>
<li>You're entitled to a free credit report from each of Equifax, TransUnion, or Experian every year (use <a href="https://www.annualcreditreport.com/">https://www.annualcreditreport.com/</a>, <i>not</i> freecreditreport.com), which will tell you what their records say for what debts you have, the accounts you have open, and what condition they're in. I have a calendar reminder to myself to pull one of these 3, every 4 months, so I can spread it out through the year and make sure that the only reports they have are of accounts that I know I opened myself. This won't give you your actual FICO score, usually you have to pay for that separately or get it through a bank/credit card that gives it to you as a perk.</li>
<li>My blog post on <a href="http://kwugirl.blogspot.com/2015/09/what-i-learned-from-considering-buying.html">stuff I learned from considering buying a house</a>.</li>
<li>If you like to travel and don't find credit cards a temptation to overspend, I've gotten a lot into rewards credit cards over the past few years, to get more out of what I'd already be spending anyway. The simplest is pure cashback, the Chase Freedom or Amex Blue Cash Preferred are great for that. Then the next level are all-purpose rewards cards, like the Chase Sapphire, which has an annual fee of $95 but it's been worth it for me. My flights to South Africa earlier this year cost me something like $100 out of pocket, and same thing for my flights next year to Rio for the Olympics. <a href="http://milevalue.com/">milevalue.com</a> is a good blog for this, and he recently published an <a href="http://idealme.com/milevalue/">ebook</a>. </li>
</ul>
KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-30792109710938000682015-10-30T20:22:00.000-07:002016-01-05T22:28:53.043-08:00Coding Academies Are Not Nonsense (for some people)TechCrunch posted a clickbait-y article last week titled "<a href="http://techcrunch.com/2015/10/23/coding-academies-are-nonsense/">Coding Academies Are Nonsense</a>." My husband sent it to me a few days ago and I initially just rolled my eyes at it, but then kept thinking about the various parts I disagreed with and how I might deconstruct it...so fine, a blog post.<br />
<br />
<b>tl;dr - If you're considering attending a code school (which I imagine is the intended audience of that TC post), read this ebook by my friend Katie instead: <a href="http://codeschoolbook.com/"><i>So You Want To Go To Code School</i></a></b><br />
<br />
To start off with, here are some of the points in that article that I agree with!<br />
<ol>
<li>Code schools' marketing messages can be misleading ("instant employment, a salary big enough to afford a Tesla").</li>
<li>A lot of what code schools do is that they find people who were already capable of learning to code on their own ("<a href="http://lizthedeveloper.com/what-do-i-look-for-in-a-potential-hackbright-student">I take people that were always meant to be software engineers, and I rectify that mistake.</a>" -- one of my instructors at <a href="https://hackbrightacademy.com/">Hackbright</a>)</li>
<li>"Unlike human readers, computers cannot infer meaning from ambiguous text. So, to code, one must become very good at deconstructing problems into their most basic steps and spelling them out for the idiot box."</li>
<li>"[Coding] is a skill that anyone with intelligence and determination can learn."</li>
<li>There are many free resources on the internet, which you should at least try out on your own first.</li>
<li>There are people who go to code school who could've done more ahead of time to see if it would be a good investment for them. (see this previous post, <a href="http://kwugirl.blogspot.com/2015/05/how-do-you-know-if-you-would-like.html">How do you know if you would like programming?</a>)</li>
<li>There are people who have successfully taught themselves enough coding to land jobs as developers.</li>
<li>"The best education comes from years of practice and learning"</li>
</ol>
<br />
And now, for the points in the article that I think are incorrect or incomplete.<br />
<br />
<b>Fallacy #1</b>: there are no additional benefits to attending a school for learning to code when you can learn for free<br />
<b>Counterpoints</b>: benefits include social pressure to get yourself to do something you wanted to do already, guidance towards a particular curriculum, and faster learning from having concentrated help<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Before I went to <a href="https://hackbrightacademy.com/">Hackbright</a>, I had taken a couple part-time night programming classes and never felt like they really stuck with me such that I could move beyond the classroom exercises. A big part of it was that I have many other interesting, enjoyable interests competing for my attention, and since I didn't need to code for my dayjob, I didn't <i>have</i> to keep progressing there. And my previous career was good enough in many ways, in terms of the people I got to work with and the pay.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Career-wise, I wanted more, but I also needed help to achieve it. So a huge part of why I took a sabbatical and attended the program was that the discipline and focus needed to move forward quickly would be imposed on me. It's not unreasonable to pay other people to impose social pressure on you to keep showing up; that's a large part of why people work with personal trainers and such, right? You <i>could</i> go to the gym and work out on your own, because if left to your own devices, you just don't, but by spending money you could make it happen, why not? Is a person who's only fit because they pay a personal trainer for help, any less fit than someone who does it on their own? That attitude sounds like "only the accomplishments you achieve on your own are worthwhile" to me.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Another big benefit in learning to code in a school environment is access to other people (instructors, TAs, peers) that guide you along a particular curriculum, are familiar with your progress so far and can untangle your muddled questions to guide you to figuring out the answer. The article even mentions this:</div>
<div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"In more than 20 years of personal experience with coding...I’ve noticed that the vast majority of folks hit a wall early in the process."</blockquote>
</div>
<div>
You could find a technical mentor who might help you with this, but will they be there for 40+ hours a week? Are they experienced with teaching someone from your background? Do you know what the next thing you should learn is (<a href="http://carlcheo.com/startcoding">a surprisingly decent, but probably still overwhelming chart for this</a>), or will you flounder around and try dozens of "Intro to ____" tutorials? Or you could try asking the internet, and then possibly get yelled at by strangers for posting a duplicate question, only you didn't know that previous answer existed there, because you didn't know the right words to look for, and then maybe they just give you the answer without caring all that much about how to teach you so you learn in the future. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In a good code school environment, you can use that help to keep building positive forward momentum until you've had just enough successes to become addicted to <a href="http://www.threepanelsoul.com/comic/on-infinite-loops">that high when you solve the puzzle</a>, as well as the confidence that given enough time/effort/help from others, you are capable of finding an answer to the mystery and bend that stupid computer to do your will.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>Fallacy #2</b>: code schools are only about learning to code</div>
<div>
<b>Counterpoints</b>: you can also get access to a hiring network, possibly a feeling of legitimacy from going through an "official" program</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
A large part of the value that a code school offers is its network of partner hiring companies that they introduce their graduates to. Ideally, these companies have tempered their expectations for candidates from this source versus other recruiting avenues.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I've also talked to people who learned a fair amount on their own, but felt like they had to "prove" the legitimacy of their knowledge by going through a program first, in order to open up those networking doors. This reasoning for going to a code school does seem a bit risky to me for the money involved, so I usually counsel against it, but I know of people for whom this strategy worked. You can't separate their eventual success in meeting their goal (landing a developer job) and determine whether their going to a code school was a cause or a mere correlation, but hey, they achieved their goal.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>Fallacy #3</b>: the end result of attending code school is becoming a "full-fledged programmer"</div>
<div>
<b>Counterpoint</b>: the end result is a demonstration of your aptitude and capacity for learning a lot of technical information in a short period of time</div>
<div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"In 20+ years of professional coding, I’ve never seen someone go from novice to full-fledged programmer in a matter of weeks"</blockquote>
</div>
<div>
My biggest piece of advice for code school graduates interviewing with companies is that you should be completely open about how aware you are of all the things that you don't know, but the reason they should consider hiring you is that you've shown that <i><b>you're really, really good at learning</b>. </i>If they want proof of your tenacity, then surviving the intense environment of a code school should qualify as supporting evidence, much like coding on the side for years and years would be.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>Fallacy #4</b>: you can only get a job as a developer after getting the "best education" from years of practice and learning</div>
<div>
<b>Counterpoints</b>: whatever you spent your time on when you weren't learning to code can probably still be applied in some way, plus companies hire code school graduates on their potential</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
A hesitation I had before switching careers was that I felt like I was throwing away the career that I'd built before and just starting over entirely, but then I learned that there were plenty of ways that previous skills I'd developed still translated over. My Biology degree? Running experiments to test hypotheses I have about my code. My technical troubleshooting customer service job? Hunting down bugs, and understanding what customers say. <a href="http://kwugirl.blogspot.com/2014/04/how-to-be-better-junior-developer_25.html">And so forth</a>.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So, no matter how junior a developer you are, there are still ways for you to contribute. If there weren't any expected value, then companies wouldn't make offers, that'd be bad for business. One my favorite quotes from the talk I gave on <a href="http://kwugirl.blogspot.com/2014/04/how-to-be-better-junior-developer_25.html">being a better junior developer</a> is from my friend Katie M: </div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"No one comes out of their mama's womb knowing how to code." </blockquote>
<div>
Everyone starts somewhere. And getting paid to learn stuff (by spending a lot of time asking questions and looking things up on the internet) is basically the true description of what a modern-day developer does. If you end up arriving at that "best" education some day, great! I hope you've gotten promoted and are well-compensated for it! But "not there yet" is not the same as "this is all nonsense."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<b>Fallacy #5</b>: only people who are sufficiently motivated/passionate/capable of learning on their own can become true programmers<br />
<b>Counterpoint</b>: how you learn to code and your motivations for doing it are largely irrelevant<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Most people don’t find coding enthralling or interesting enough to continue to pursue it as a career."</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"But programmers are a natural resource. Only so many people have the will and ability to do it."</blockquote>
If I could just tack on a "entirely on their own" to those statements, it'd be fine. But just because some people have found success after years of learning at night, working on projects on the weekends, doesn't mean that everyone else who missed out on getting a Computer Science degree or tinkering in high school has to follow the same path. Who cares? Sure, there's something to be said for how the top 1% of programming skill is probably more achievable if you spend all your spare time thinking about it because you love it so much but...there's nothing saying that you have to be in the top 1%.<br />
<br />
I love this post on <a href="http://devblog.avdi.org/2014/01/31/the-moderately-enthusiastic-programmer/">The Moderately Enthusiastic Programmer</a> from Avdi Grimm:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Even more problematic to me is the idea of being passionate about a product. I care about doing good work, certainly. I take great personal and professional pride in it. But am I really expected to be passionate about something I’ve been hired to help build? Do we fire members of construction crews if they don’t show a strong enough emotional attachment to the office complex they are building? Do we even fire architects for that offense?<br />
...<br />
There is a part of me that is genuinely fearful of the effect on my future hire-ability, when I admit the following: no, I will not be passionate about your product. I will be professional about it. I may even be excited about it, if it happens to be something that I think is neat-o cool. I may have a ton of fun building it. But that doesn’t really matter. You’re not hiring a Juliet to your project’s Romeo. In the final analysis, you’re exchanging goods for services.</blockquote>
After all, to quote the article:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"There’s a dearth of skilled coders"</blockquote>
<div>
<b>Questionable prediction about the future</b>: </div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Coding skills will continue to be in high demand until technology for software creation without code disrupts the entire party, crowding out programming as a viable profession." </blockquote>
I'm a little skeptical about that claim, but regardless of its truth, if in the meantime before that happens, you can still get yourself to a better and more fulfilling job than what you might've had before, there doesn't seem to be a ton of opportunity cost here to me.<br />
<br />
<b>Conclusion</b><br />
<br />
I really enjoy my job as a developer, and I am forever grateful for having been able to switch careers into it. Before learning about code schools, I didn't even know it was a possibility, outside of spending years and many more dollars going back to school, or giving myself a second full-time job, neither of which I was going to do. As a result, one of the things I really can consider a "passion" now is working to break down those barriers of entry into this field. It's a wonderful, stimulating, and cushy life! (if your tech job isn't, talk to me about joining <a href="http://newrelic.com/about/careers?category=Technology">New Relic</a>) Just because you didn't choose to attend college and major in Computer Science when you were a teenager doesn't mean that it can't happen for you!<br />
<br />
I understand that that's pretty hard for a lot of experienced developers to swallow. Some of it is the common tendency for people to believe more strongly that the way they did things was the right way (see: med schools making students pay for the privilege of working many hours on little sleep, all hazing rituals ever, etc.). Some senior programmers may be frustrated by the amount of help the newbies need to get going, and code schools cause there to be more newbies on the job market. I also think some people intuitively sense that having a greater supply will decrease the status and compensation for existing programmers, even if no one admits that out loud.<br />
<br />
But ultimately, people are capable of making their own decisions, and I support having many alternative pathways to entry. If you are considering going to a code school, I <i>strongly</i> recommend buying a copy of this ebook by Katie Leonard, <a href="http://codeschoolbook.com/"><i>So You Want To Go To Code School</i></a>. She's a friend and co-worker of mine, and I gave her feedback on early drafts, but I don't get any commission from her sales or anything. It's the best compendium of pros/cons/points of consideration that I've come across and it's not put out by a code school, so it's as unbiased but still useful as you'll be able to get.KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-51542335183017119812015-10-22T21:09:00.003-07:002015-10-22T21:09:21.184-07:00Notes from webinar on creating inclusive presentations<a href="https://tinyletter.com/techspeak">Technically Speaking</a> ran a webinar today with <a href="https://twitter.com/judithmwilliams">@judithmwilliams</a> and co-hosted by <a href="https://twitter.com/feministy">@feministy</a> on creating more inclusive presentations. Below is a writeup of my ~4.5 pages of handwritten notes from the webinar :)<br />
<ul>
<li>Judith's intro to the topic: did a lot of work on Google's unconscious bias training</li>
<ul>
<li>Know who your audience is</li>
<ul>
<li>out of a desire to connect, we tell stories, but that can then end up <i>increasing</i> the disconnect with the audience</li>
<li>ex. speaker told a story about her triumph over blindness, but for visually impaired member of the audience, exhausting to hear her life articulate as the worst thing to ever happen to someone</li>
</ul>
<li>Imagine ways in which what you say might be received differently by people different from you</li>
<li>Know yourself--know your biases</li>
<ul>
<li>we normalize our own experience, have a hard time imagining a different way</li>
<li>proactively seek out other ways of knowing</li>
<li>try to understand the stories that aren't being told</li>
</ul>
<li>What the goals of your presentation?</li>
<ul>
<li>might be to convey knowledge, but can dig deeper at your goals too--maybe to persuade?</li>
<li>all stories have positive and negative manifestations in them--so you can reproduce or undermine common biases in stories</li>
<li>think about who's included or excluded</li>
<li>think about metaphors used in the story</li>
</ul>
<li>Recognize our limitations</li>
<ul>
<li>Can't be all things to everyone</li>
<li>Be transparent about who is excluded and why, can highlight others better equipped for those stories</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<li>Q: how to prepare a talk for an audience in a different country/culture from your own?</li>
<ul>
<li>You can ask conference organizers for a list of where people are from</li>
<li>Make the presentation more accessible to everyone</li>
<ul>
<li>give handouts ahead of time</li>
</ul>
<li>Get people to be more physical, with low stakes ways to participate (raise hands, then raise hands higher, then have people stand up if they can relate)</li>
</ul>
<li>Giving speakers feedback</li>
<ul>
<li>"I think you had good intentions, but here's how this resonated for me"</li>
<li>"Hey, that wasn't cool"</li>
</ul>
<li>Q: what to think about when prepping slides?</li>
<ul>
<li>Accessibility: consider those who can't see or can see very little</li>
<ul>
<li>videos: have captions</li>
<li>images: describe verbally what's in them</li>
<li>text should be big enough, high enough contrast</li>
<li>(these are universal design principles anyway!)</li>
</ul>
<li>Use a variety of examples and photos: gender, ethnicities, ages, etc.</li>
<ul>
<li>are you reproducing inequities? are there patterns?</li>
<li>show people of all different abilities</li>
<li>ok to use aspirational photos of what you want your workplace to look like</li>
<li>applies in writing too: pronoun usage</li>
</ul>
<li>Don't want ideas about inclusion to becomes weapons of exclusion</li>
<li>Create a checklist for yourself, like the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bechdel_test">Bechdel test</a> -- <a href="https://twitter.com/judithmwilliams">@judithmwilliams</a>'s version!</li>
<ul>
<li>Are you showing people that are different from you?</li>
<li>Are you showing different people doing different things?</li>
<li>Are you actively challenging biases and the mainstream narratives?</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<li>Q: sources for images?</li>
<ul>
<li>Getty images</li>
<li>search for "free"/"open source" + image you want, then check attribution</li>
<li>ask individuals to be models in your own photos--don't have to use glossy stock photography! Don't be afraid to be unpolished</li>
</ul>
<li>Geography: try paying attention to how we talk about geography and spaces</li>
<ul>
<li>at Grace Hopper Conference last week, supposed to be for all women in tech, but lots of talks/data from North America -- rhetoric that tech only happens in San Francisco, not anywhere else, but then if it's in a developing countries, then given an award for it</li>
<li>Discourses of safety => discourses of race and exclusion (some discussion around stereotypes people have of neighborhoods/countries that are "safe" or not, and people evaluating safety based on people's skin color in those areas</li>
</ul>
<li>Q: how to show people different from yourself but not get into cultural appropriation?</li>
<ul>
<li>In photos, if using them as examples of an idea--just an example</li>
<li>When telling stories: whose story is it?</li>
<ul>
<li>ok to tell other people's stories!</li>
<li>but do your research</li>
<li>be honest about who you are, why <i>this</i> story, or this culture, for illustrating your point</li>
<li>is it a convenient stereotype that we use vs. an illustrative story?</li>
<li>surprising stories, that against the common narrative, are actually more interesting anyway!</li>
<li>make sure you're not using a trope as an excuse</li>
</ul>
<li>Kind of like recruiting--diversify your network ahead of time, so don't have to default to an undiverse pool to draw from</li>
</ul>
<li>We could do a lot more for more age-based inclusiveness.</li>
<ul>
<li>Example: using an older woman programmer in your story, without having to comment about it</li>
</ul>
<li>Ask yourself: am I representing a different point of view?</li>
<li>Q: how can you tell if you're being funny?</li>
<ul>
<li>see if your jokes land</li>
<li>be careful who the joke is on</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<div>
(I think they went on for a bit longer after this point but we needed to leave the meeting room I'd booked at work for us)</div>
KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-46577842088030377282015-10-10T23:12:00.001-07:002018-09-15T07:13:13.409-07:00Continuing education at work (talk)This talk was presented in Portland at <a href="http://pydx.org/">PyDX 2015</a>, in Detroit at <a href="http://selfconference.org/">self.conference 2016</a>, and in Cincinnati at <a href="http://rubyconf.com/program#prop_66">RubyConf 2016</a>. I previously mentioned these continuing education programs in <a href="http://kwugirl.blogspot.com/2015/06/continuing-education-at-work.html">this blog post</a>.<br />
<br />
Quick links to resources:<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1m9CVnYpwV85gDBnvXjD6qGglYVAoYmYi1nM0yk4VqCg/edit?usp=sharing">Book recommendations list</a></li>
<li><a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1mB9zeFELEBDpQ_M1Q70dxX6t4nK9dIb5THVeE97aHOM/edit?usp=sharing">Talk recommendations list</a></li>
<li><a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1VlbQtEYjYNFoebrSYVJS8CSXOfIBV_OdIf3vkDCQNHw/edit">Talk nomination form example (please make a copy)</a></li>
<li>Stickers! Designed by the amazing <a href="http://virginiapoltrack.com/">Virginia Poltrack</a></li>
</ul>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.stickermule.com/marketplace/15642-technical-book-club-1st-rule">
<img border="0" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-A5pbm2K_TGE/V3LeUF4gENI/AAAAAAAAPxY/NjS1wZ4sZJoUbx4l6HlyVtEUWDPyOD75gCLcB/s200/technical-book-club-1st-rule.png" width="193" /></a>
<a href="https://www.stickermule.com/en/marketplace/13740-technical-book-club-big-books">
<img border="0" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-f166fzSveCI/V3LeUNpWR5I/AAAAAAAAPxU/DF1mfX_z-CQTGW0lZQZPoJ40j9BG3OQugCLcB/s200/technical-book-club-big-books.png" width="196" /></a>
<a href="https://www.stickermule.com/en/marketplace/13739-lunchconf">
<img border="0" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0-KBlII1g_4/V3LeWjGlKRI/AAAAAAAAPxg/N7njDn1hSFUWGgebIlvLC8a8HCCxt6oNACLcB/s200/lunchconf.png" width="191" /></a></div>
<br />
Abstract:<br />
The list of things we want to learn is infinite. How many of us have marked talks to watch, or books to read, yet have never gone back to them (until our browser crashes and we lose everything that was in an open tab)? Left to my own devices, I often only learn what I directly need in my work, despite the best of intentions. It wasn’t until I started running a couple lightweight continuing education programs at work that I followed through on my goals around continuing to expand my technical knowledge base. This talk will discuss setting up programs to finally get yourself reading those technical books and watching technical talks. We’ll discuss strategies for making these programs low maintenance and long-lived, as well as flexible enough to help both more and less experienced folks. If you’ve been looking for a more structured approach to self-education, this talk is for you!<br />
<br />
RubyConf:
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/9uRho69xSAI" width="560"></iframe>
<script async="" class="speakerdeck-embed" data-id="c5c195473ae04cd9baae863d8b3bbac0" data-ratio="1.77777777777778" src="//speakerdeck.com/assets/embed.js"></script>
self.conference:
<script async="" class="speakerdeck-embed" data-id="7a1f5bafad824a859707877ac550b0ec" data-ratio="1.77777777777778" src="//speakerdeck.com/assets/embed.js"></script>
<br />
PyDX:
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/MZg-L1Sblog" width="560"></iframe>
<script async="" class="speakerdeck-embed" data-id="4ead9ae199f94edaa151f7531c73bf8d" data-ratio="1.33333333333333" src="//speakerdeck.com/assets/embed.js"></script>
<br />
Response to my talk, on Storify: <a href="https://storify.com/kwugirl/continuing-education-at-work-pydx">PyDX</a>, <a href="https://storify.com/kwugirl/continuing-education-at-work-self-conference">self.conference</a>, <a href="https://storify.com/kwugirl/continuing-education-at-work-rubyconf">RubyConf</a><br />
<br />
Appendix of painstakingly nitty gritty details I didn't include in the talk:<br />
<br />
<b>General items:</b>
<br />
<ul>
<li>How do you gauge initial interest in these kinds of learning groups? </li>
<ul>
<li>Find ways to work it into conversation. When people ask you what's going on or what you're doing, say, "I'm considering starting a ___, what do you think? Would you be interested in participating?"</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<br />
<b>Logistics:</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Picking a day and time:</li>
<ul>
<li>Early in the week is good, not enough time to be pushed aside from pile of work to get done before the end of the week, have had the weekend to catch up on reading if needed. We have Technical Book Club on Mondays and LunchConf on Tuesdays.</li>
<li>Time of day: not in morning, to have lunch time to do reading for book club.</li>
<li>Weekly cadence is nice because you don’t have to question whether it’s an on or off week, but if every other week is needed, that’s ok too.</li>
</ul>
<li>Calendaring:</li>
<ul>
<li>Give everyone modifying rights to calendar event, to be able to add others (in general, have open editing permissions).</li>
<li>Set up calendar events for yourself for any logistics items that need reminders, then don’t have to remember, get prompted by calendar notifications.</li>
</ul>
<li>Tracking: I started tracking attendance somewhat surreptitiously, just in case I need some data on participation to show management. But I haven't actually been asked for that yet.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<b>More details on Technical Book Club:</b>
<br />
<div>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1m9CVnYpwV85gDBnvXjD6qGglYVAoYmYi1nM0yk4VqCg/edit?usp=sharing">Book recommendations</a>:</li>
<ul>
<li>We're keeping a running list of recommendations, trimmed regularly (like if the person who suggested the book isn't around anymore and none of us left have any interest in it)</li>
<li>Solicit recommendations from larger office/engineering teams (also a way to publicize the group!)</li>
</ul>
<li>Voting on books:</li>
<ul>
<li>About 2 weeks before current book is slated to end, announce in various channels that next book is being decided upon.</li>
<li>We review the choices, to remind people what each book is about and why we might want to read it.</li>
<li>Then do runoff voting, everyone gets 3 votes in the first round (and can double up on one selection if they want), 2 votes in the second.</li>
</ul>
<li>Ordering books:</li>
<ul>
<li>If the book is written by an indie author and you have ties to the community, doesn't hurt to ask for a group discount! Authors seem delighted when people read their books as a part of a book club.</li>
<li>Expensing: just because there isn't an official education budget doesn't mean there aren't funds to use, ask! Sometimes not an official budget because they don’t want to set a ceiling on what people think they can ask for, but on balance, books are very good value for the company when compared to sending people to classes and such.</li>
</ul>
<li>Reading assignments:</li>
<ul>
<li>Wrap up discussions with settling on next reading assignment.</li>
<li>Don’t want to be stuck on the same book forever and need to feel like making forward progress each week, but not be hugely time consuming. Aim to finish the book within 2-3 months.</li>
<li>~30 pages or 1-2 chapters usually about right, depending on space taken up by sample code. It's about what people could get done in 1-2 hours.</li>
<li>Post the assignment in the chat room and put it in the header--want to make it really easy for people to look up what the assignment is without having to ask someone else.</li>
<li>Post a reminder the morning of book club on what the reading is.</li>
</ul>
<li>Also announce who agreed to facilitate the next meeting, so everyone knows and it's recorded.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>More details on LunchConf:</b></div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Have a form (<a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1VlbQtEYjYNFoebrSYVJS8CSXOfIBV_OdIf3vkDCQNHw/edit">example to make a copy of</a>) for submitting talk nominations, from what people have seen themselves and thought was really good, or from blogs/Twitter.</li>
<ul>
<li>Minimum required fields: title, link to video</li>
<li>Additional info: speaker name, talk abstract, length of talk (rounded to nearest minute, for easiest sorting), link to slides</li>
<li>Include a link in the form description for how to view previously submitted nominations, so you don't get duplicates</li>
</ul>
<li>Calendaring:</li>
<ul>
<li>I have a room that's booked for an hour and a half. We always start 20 min after the hour to have time for A/V setup and people to get lunch, then 30-35 min talks, then a bit of time after for people to use the room to stay and whiteboard or discuss if they want to, but can also leave in time for 1pm meetings.</li>
<li>Room booking and invite event are two separate calendar events, and attendees are only on the shorter event. That way, we don't get kicked out of the room, but it's not a scary looking 1.5 hour block on someone else's calendar, only mine.</li>
</ul>
<li><a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1mB9zeFELEBDpQ_M1Q70dxX6t4nK9dIb5THVeE97aHOM/edit?usp=sharing">Choosing talks</a> to vote on:</li>
<ul>
<li>Facilitator gets to pick 3 options.</li>
<li>Good to try to pick a spread of topics so there’s a diversity of topics and appeal.</li>
<li>If there are shorter talks, bundle a couple short ones together. </li>
</ul>
<li>Voting:</li>
<ul>
<li>Initially counted votes manually (keep it simple), but then used the <a href="http://botlab.hipch.at/">HipChat bot Polly</a>. Now we do reaction voting in Slack, which is nice for allowing people to vote for multiple options rather than just one. The talks recommendation spreadsheet also has a copy of <a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1mB9zeFELEBDpQ_M1Q70dxX6t4nK9dIb5THVeE97aHOM/edit?usp=sharing">the generator I built for the Slack messages</a>, making things easy by allowing you to just copy/paste to set up the voting.</li>
<li>Announce which talk won in the chat room at least 30 min before people leave to get lunch, so they can decide whether to attend or not.</li>
</ul>
<li>Video playback tips:</li>
<ul>
<li>I use the <a href="https://rg3.github.io/youtube-dl/">youtube-dl command line tool</a> for downloading videos from YouTube, that way won’t have streaming or connection issues</li>
<li>Oftentimes there will be multiple videos you can play for a talk, try to pick the one that seems highest quality/most official. </li>
<ul>
<li>If possible, check any comments on the video in case video is corrupted in some way. Be suspicious of a video that's shorter in length without an explicit description that it's actually a shorter version of the talk, versus a corrupted video of the same talk. (I'll note that this is the ONE exception to ever reading YouTube comments!)</li>
</ul>
<li>If you want to try playing the video at a faster speed, easiest way seems to be get Quicktime 7 and adjust the playback speed using the A/V controls panel (under the "Window" menu).</li>
<ul>
<li>I find we can go as fast as 1.25-1.5x, depending on speaker pace and density of topic. If the original talk is 50+ min though, then it's usually better to just play it over 2 weeks instead.</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<li>After the talk is over, try to find the slides and share with the group, helps reinforce the topic. If possible, good to have slides handy even beforehand, in case the slides aren't easily visible on the video.</li>
</ul>
<div>
[Update] <a href="https://logallthethings.com/2018/09/07/lunchconf-how-to-implement-a-continuous-learning-program-at-work/">Great post from James Cheng</a> about how he implemented LunchConf at his workplace as well! I especially like the tips on how to include remote teammates.</div>
</div>
KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-63888293667629464642015-09-23T23:27:00.000-07:002015-09-24T10:29:12.808-07:00What I learned from considering buying a houseLong story short, I was visiting a friend and learned about a house across the street from her that was for sale, extremely close to a train stop to get into the city, and when I looked up the price, surprisingly affordable. We didn't end up making an offer, but I've spent the last 2 weeks frantically reading up on house-buying (in the U.S.) and asking all the homeowners I know for advice, so I thought I'd write up that a little bit.<br />
<br />
First, if you're just like "wat is house buying process even", my friends recommended <a href="https://www.redfin.com/home-buying-guide/welcome">this home buying guide written by Redfin</a> and <a href="http://michaelbluejay.com/house/basics.html">this other house buying guide by Michael Bluejay</a> (as my friend noted on the latter, it looks/sounds a little spammy at first, but the content and calculators seem well-researched and logical). Reading through those demystified many of the initial steps.<br />
<br />
Second, it was a bit different for us because we had a specific house we were looking at, but I tried to set up some additional showings through reaching out to the agents listed for houses I found on Zillow. This did not work out very well, as there was a bait-and-switch on some of them where I had to talk to them on the phone first, only to learn that the original listing wasn't even available anymore. When I said I wanted to work with people that were really good at communicating over email and maybe text, this isn't what I'm picturing...<br />
<br />
Incentives matter a lot, with such a large purchase. When we do this process again, I'll probably find an agent and schedule showings on <a href="https://www.redfin.com/">Redfin</a>, since their agents are salaried and only earn bonuses on good reviews, not on commissions. They make it pretty easy to request a specific time for a house showing. I also like that they host <a href="https://www.redfin.com/buy-a-home/openbook">a review system</a> for other people you'll need in the process, like lenders and home inspectors. Hopefully this would help me avoid people trying to make a sale based on emotions like "how do you feel when you walk in" as the principle guiding system, when we haven't had a chance to rationally evaluate the objective pros and cons.<br />
<br />
Redfin's search capabilities aren't as sophisticated as some of the other sites though. I started off mostly using <a href="http://www.zillow.com/">Zillow</a> (though I learned that many realtors <i>loathe</i> Zillow due to their whole "Zestimate" algorithm projecting home values and such, but that didn't matter to me since I just ignored those numbers anyway) but now I'm trying out <a href="http://trulia.com/">Trulia</a>, which has some very useful filtering options, like filtering by commute distance on public transit to a particular address. Trulia also has Pinterest-like board for the houses you've saved to look at, which is cool for sharing with other people you might be searching with.<br />
<br />
Finally, I learned that the most useful way to evaluate a potential house is in terms of what would be most difficult yet important to change, and prioritize lower the items that money and/or time could fix. This is why there's that old adage of "location, location, location" for real estate--because that is the one thing you can't change. From there, some other important things you'd want to consider are large trees on the property that are too close to the foundation, as well as the general condition of the foundation itself (check this by going into the basement and seeing if it feels damp, do you see mold/rotting, are things askew). You want to be situated on higher ground, to avoid flooding, and if you like bright rooms, you want your main exposure to be facing south. Stuff like that, versus renovated kitchens or bathrooms. As long as the infrastructure for whatever you want to do is there (plumbing, gas lines, etc.) you can probably make it happen later.<br />
<br />
Another point regarding updated kitchens is that the owners have upped the value of the home based on their renovations, but they may have made decisions about layout/fixtures/finishes/etc. that weren't what you would have made yourself, so if that's something you care about, you have more flexibility in buying a house with a crappy kitchen and spending the different in price renovating it after you're the owner.<br />
<br />
Of course, many people are looking for places that are move-in ready and don't need much, if any, additional work. That's a perfectly legitimate trait to value, as long as you recognize that tradeoff in cost.<br />
<br />
Anyway, looking at houses and dreaming of the possibilities is pretty fun! I now have a bulleted and sub-bulleted list of my priorities that I wrote out, which will be a nicely organized way to score future house candidates :)KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-91170521005536016862015-06-17T23:24:00.000-07:002016-07-06T15:28:45.548-07:00Continuing education at work<i>Update: I gave <a href="http://kwugirl.blogspot.com/2015/10/continuing-education-at-work-talk.html">a talk about this topic</a> and also wrote up more implementation tips.</i><br />
<br />
I've been working as a software engineer for almost two years now but it's really only in the last six months-ish that I felt like I've gotten better at getting myself to learn things while at work that are beyond "what is the thing that I need to accomplish this immediate task in front of me." It turns out that the keys to success, at least for me, are:<br />
<ol>
<li>Get people to do something with me as a group.</li>
<li>Don't try to start too many new things at once.</li>
</ol>
<br />
I'm not the kind of techy person that does a ton of techy side projects and experimentation and such outside of work. I have <a href="http://www.ravelry.com/projects/kwugirl">too</a> <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4455057-katherine">many</a> <a href="https://instagram.com/p/sav8L6Qbzb/?taken-by=kwugirl">hobbies</a> for that! I really like learning new things and I want to be better at my job, but it's best to try to get that done while at work, because I also like having pretty clear work and not-work parts to my life. Fortunately for me, I work with lots of people who are very similar in those regards, and with a little bit of corralling effort, I can take advantage of that to set up social pressure for getting myself to do things I already wanted to do.<br />
<br />
For example, I'd heard from several mentors that doing technical book clubs was a good way to learn, so I pulled together some people at work who'd all been interested in reading <a href="http://www.poodr.com/">Practical Object-Oriented Design in Ruby</a> and booked a conference room for us to meet in for an hour, once a week, during the work day. At the first meeting, we discussed a bit about why we wanted to do a book club, what were some pitfalls we might fall into (participation dropping off, going so slowly that people lose interest, etc.) and set some ground rules with the focus of getting ourselves through the book in a timely fashion without being stressed about it. We're on our 5th book now, so that's been pretty successful!<br />
<br />
One of our ground rules was that if at least two people were free to meet, the meeting would happen, even if other people had something that came up. The others could just catch up and join in again at the next meeting. We would also assign two facilitators who would commit to doing the entirety of the reading and try to bring code examples to the next meeting. This has dropped off a bit recently, but we got lots of great discussion and it really helped to be able to discuss how we might apply a technique or principle discussed in a book chapter to our actual work projects.<br />
<br />
I think of myself as more of an instigator than an organizer; I try to set things up so it's not dependent on me to manage everything, like making calendar events modifiable by other people, writing down any setup instructions so someone can run the meeting even if I'm not there, etc. Mostly I invest energy into prodding things forward so we don't lose momentum. The meeting time and location doesn't really change, so we don't have to spend lots of time figuring out everyone's schedules, and we have a HipChat room for helping to coordinate as well as sharing related resources, like links to blog posts and conference talk videos, which are later added to the book club's wiki page. That page also hosts our ongoing list of potential books to choose for the next round, which we'll vote on to decide as a group. Sometimes it's more Ruby-focused stuff, so the non-Ruby people sit out until the next round, but that seems to work ok if we alternate it with more general architecture or design books.<br />
<br />
At RailsConf this year, I got the idea from someone to start a another group at work, during our lunch hour, for watching all those conference talk videos that I bookmark but then never actually watch on my own. I set up a form for people to nominate conference talks (<a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1yJzv9rDZfMqZXa6wLP-_8suwgk0tyusX1cXVGb569_A/viewform">here's a copy of that form</a>), and then the day before our weekly gathering, I pick 3 talks from that spreadsheet for people to vote on. I use <a href="https://rg3.github.io/youtube-dl/">youtube-dl</a> to download the video in order to avoid any problems with streaming and <a href="http://www.macworld.com/article/1143198/qtxplayback.html">Quicktime 7's A/V controls</a> to sometimes increase the playback speed to fit in longer videos. This has worked well for people because all they have to do is show up with their lunch, and they're able to hang around a bit afterwards and discuss the content if they don't have meetings they have to get to.*<br />
<br />
So those formats have worked really well for me! I did at one point try to set up a weekly "hey let's hack on things" session, but that was too structureless to get myself to get stuff done and I'd wind up just continuing on work projects. Basically,<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Structure + Social Pressure = Success!</div>
<br />
In general, I think it's important to not try to incorporate too many new avenues of learning all at once, so that you have some time to focus on making just one new thing into a habit before taking on the next thing. I usually have a mental (or written) shortlist of things I want to learn, so I think at the time of starting the POODR book club, the list was something like, "object-oriented programming, Ruby, and testing," all 3 of which were covered in doing that book club. Somewhere else I had a much longer list of all the things that people kept telling me I should learn, so I'd have to somewhere to at least just put that info, but if it didn't fit my top 3 priorities, I let myself disregard it for now so I wouldn't feel overwhelmed.<br />
<br />
I think it's also helpful to try to be a bit organized about how you're going to learn these things, after you've decided on that shortlist of what you want to learn. For example, at one point, one of my three items was to get more comfortable with Angular, and I had two links to recommended tutorials saved for me to be able immediately get started on them when the free time came up, rather than having to spend a bunch of time searching around for where to get started and then feeling unsatisfied because I didn't actually do anything.<br />
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<div>
If you're somewhere that isn't as supportive of continuing education while on the job, or you're busy enough that it's really hard to carve out extra dedicated time to learn something new, there are a couple strategies that might help with that. One is learning how to make a case to your boss that your taking some time for reading a book or doing a tutorial will ultimately increase your effectiveness and how much you and your team can get done. Another is figuring out a way to shoehorn learning new techniques into projects that you're working on and having the patience to give yourself a bit extra leeway for when you're going to be a bit slower because you're forcing yourself to doing something in a new way that will ultimately be better than the get-it-done way you've tried so far.<br />
<br />
Even at the most incremental level, every time you have to look something up to get a task done, you can probably take 5 minutes to read a bit more about that topic and take some notes for yourself so that next time you run into something similar, you know a little bit more than the last time you looked into that topic. Ever since Hackbright, I've kept a daily log of what I've been doing and links to particularly good blog posts or Stack Overflow items, with my one-sentence summary of what I want to remember for that content. I also keep a process doc where I stuff in git commands or keyboard shortcuts I want to remember (though again, I know I can't learn that many new things at once, so usually I have just one post-it note stuck to my monitor of the one new keyboard shortcut** I'm trying to learn).<br />
<br />
So the overall strategy is:<br />
<ol>
<li>Figure out the handful of things you want to learn next</li>
<li>Figure out the barriers to you achieving those goals</li>
<li>Experiment with different ways to help yourself overcome those barriers</li>
</ol>
<br />
Different things work for different people! My friend Katie writes <a href="http://katieleonard.ca/">awesome blog posts</a> sharing tidbits she came across at work and then dove into more to come up with great examples for sharing that knowledge. Other people propose talks and learn about a topic if that talk is accepted at a conference.<br />
<br />
Don't get down on yourself about all the other things you feel like you should or could be doing--of course you can always do more. However, I'm of the school of thought that guilt is mostly not a very useful emotion and it's better to keep putting one foot in front of the other, with the occasional lift of your head to look ahead and make sure you're progressing in the direction you want.</div>
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<br />
*We're pretty lucky at New Relic in that one of our VPs of engineering actually reached out to me with a bit of concern over us watching these talks over our lunch hour rather than feeling like we had the support to be doing this kind of continuing education alongside our work projects! We discussed it as a group and decided that watching these talks felt more like entertainment to us than work, and the time would allow for more people to be able to attend, with greater flexibility on topics not immediately relevant for work projects. But we've also had times when people played <a href="https://www.destroyallsoftware.com/screencasts">screencasts</a> in the afternoon too, so timing can vary.</div>
<div>
**If you're wanting to learn Gmail keyboard shortcuts in particular, <strike><a href="https://www.googlemerchandisestore.com/Google+Redesign/Accessories/Stickers/Gmail+Shortcut+Stickers+-+Pack+of+10.axd?cid=996">these stickers</a> are excellent for that!</strike> there used to be keyboard stickers that would help with those, but looks like they don't sell them anymore :(</div>
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KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-9786666203399270602015-06-10T18:30:00.000-07:002015-06-10T22:47:40.426-07:00Asian parents teach far more than just "rote memorization" A few weeks ago, I read <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/08/magazine/eddie-huang-against-the-world.html?ref=magazine&_r=1">this piece</a> about Eddie Huang and his complicated relationship with <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fresh_Off_the_Boat">the TV show</a> inspired by his memoir, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0812983351/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0812983351&linkCode=as2&tag=ajerhoowed-20&linkId=M6N7UV4B4QK3UI6H">Fresh Off the Boat</a>, and wanted to pick at something tossed into the article that’s a big pet peeve of mine:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Today the means that many Asian-Americans apply to achieve academic success (<b>a narrow emphasis on rote memorization and test preparation</b>) could not be more out of step with the attitudes and practices of the socially liberal elite that Asians aspire to join.</blockquote>
<br />
There are a couple reasons this irritates me:<br />
<ol>
<li>“Rote memorization” is always referenced with a hint of derision, implying certain “better” ways of learning, but in fact, rote memorization is a necessary and useful tool in the learning process.</li>
<li>Rote memorization is frequently implied as the sole reason Asian-American kids are so successful in the American school system, and why Asian kids do well on the international tests around math/science/etc.</li>
</ol>
<br />
I really try not to be someone that comes off as looking for things to be slighted by; I think a lot of microaggressions, while definitely real things, might be better ascribed to thoughtlessness and callousness rather than maliciousness. But, the stereotype that Asian kids are good at school because they’re mindless drones memorizing the answers <i>really</i> gets under my skin. I find it distasteful at best, and racist at worst, like it’s a way for non-Asians to pat themselves on the back and reassure themselves that their kids actually are still smarter, because they “let” their kids be more creative, while those Asian parents are stifling it all out of their kids.<br />
<br />
Re: #1, sometimes drilling the same concepts over and over is in fact the most efficient tactic for learning something. I have fond memories of my mom making me practice the times table while driving around from one activity to another. Her intent was that those calculations could become automatic so I could use them quickly and get more math practice done in a shorter amount of time, even if I didn’t fully wrap my mind around why you want to multiply things in the first place. It was good enough for a time to just understand that you would have to. Her standard was for everything up to the 9s to be automatic and ideally I would get most of the 11s and 12s, but that could be a stretch goal for an American third grader. None of this messing around with boxes and such like they do in <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/30/us/math-under-common-core-has-even-parents-stumbling.html">Common Core</a>.<br />
<br />
This is how effective methods of teaching programming can work too, like the first few chapters of <a href="http://learnpythonthehardway.org/book/preface.html">Learn Python the Hard Way</a>. When there’s so much new stuff being thrown at you, sometimes the best way is just to be willing to accept and take things for granted. If you stop to examine every single little piece, you won’t get somewhere fast enough to keep going with the learning. Learning to compartmentalize what you don’t understand yet is a very useful skill.<br />
<br />
So, that’s #1. For #2, yes, a lot of Asian parents have their kids parrot answers. In our town, my mom once heard of a family where the dad went and somehow bought years and years worth of the problems posed during the math league challenges. He then had his daughter do all of them, essentially memorizing the answers in advance, since those questions don’t change that much.<br />
<br />
But I think more importantly than that in Asian parenting culture is the emphasis on schoolwork as important and your <i>job</i> as the kid. Your contribution to the family unit is to do well in school, since for better or worse, the ENTIRE FAMILY is oriented towards clearing barriers to the kids doing better at school. My sister and I barely had to do any chores, we always had a quiet place to do homework, and if we needed something for school like getting to the library, my parents would drop everything to make it happen.<br />
<br />
They taught us that grades were earned through study and hard work, not a result of natural ability or at the whims of the teacher. If it was a math or science subject, my parents would never have accepted “the teacher gave me this grade” versus “I could’ve studied harder” as the reason behind mistakes on a piece of homework or a test.<br />
<br />
<i>Even teachers not being good teachers wasn’t a sufficient reason!</i> We were expected to find a way. My parents would try to help us as much as they could but in my mom’s case, she would sometimes look at a problem and say it had been too many years since she’d learned that math, but then send me off to figure it out on my own with a reminder that even if she’s forgotten the principles because she doesn’t use it anymore in her day-to-day, the training for our brains in successfully learning it at least once was invaluable. So the “but when will I ever need algebra” complaint would never fly. And with my dad, we learned how to teach ourselves pretty quickly, almost in self-defense, because a quick question to him could easily turn into a 3 hour digression about number theory that left you more muddled than before.<br />
<br />
Finally, there is of course the classic Asian parent response when you brought home a 99% on a test to immediately ask, “What did you get wrong?” My mom’s position was that American schools, though they had other strengths, clearly had lower standards than Chinese schools when it came to math and science so if she did well in the Chinese system, she fiercely believed there was no reason we couldn’t get top grades here, if only we worked hard enough.<br />
<br />
But this emphasis on always looking back at past results to see how you could improve—that’s a hugely useful lesson for a kid to learn! Even before it’s helpful to being applied to the work environment, just think about the typical course structure: you start with some introductory topics, have a few exams or a midterm in between, and then you have a final that covers everything. They’re set up to build on previous concepts, so going back and reviewing your earlier mistakes both cements the foundation for the more advanced topics and also grants you a leg up on all the sections of the final that are about the early topics.<br />
<br />
I certainly recognize the enormous amounts of privilege that my parents gave us. Even though they both grew up materially poor in China and Taiwan, my maternal grandparents were a chemical engineering professor and doctor, and both my parents were able to come to the U.S. and later attended graduate school here. So they carried plenty of that implicit knowledge around education and clawing your way up through the middle class and could gift that to us. (Though I will also note that there are <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/27/education/a-grueling-admissions-test-highlights-a-racial-divide.html?nl=todaysheadlines&emc=edit_th_20121027">Asian kids who do well at Stuyvesant whose parents don’t have college degrees and have menial day jobs</a>) I also am more than happy to grant that school grades are very flawed measurements in many ways, and an overemphasis on school can have tragic consequences.<br />
<br />
But for the love of god, please don’t dismiss everything Asian parents teach their kids about school as “mere rote memorization.” You may not agree with their methods, but you should try to analyze and learn from their approach if you’re feeling insecure, not seek to diminish those parents’ and kids’ accomplishments.<br />
<br />
<br />
Further reading:<br />
<ul>
<li>The <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0812983351/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0812983351&linkCode=as2&tag=ajerhoowed-20&linkId=M6N7UV4B4QK3UI6H">Fresh Off the Boat</a> memoir has some hilarious parts related to food, even if I’m not into the hiphop part of his narrative</li>
<li><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0143120581/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0143120581&linkCode=as2&tag=ajerhoowed-20&linkId=HJEKUZWIRMQUGUL4">Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother</a>, for all the controversy people stoked up around it, is another insightful look into Asian-American parenting culture. If people seem like they haven’t talked to many first generation Asian-Americans about their childhoods but want to learn more, I tell them to just read this book instead.</li>
<li><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061543667/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0061543667&linkCode=as2&tag=ajerhoowed-20&linkId=MTZ4USQI4W7LG3SH">I Love Yous Are For White People</a> is a raw, painful memoir that I still think about from time to time</li>
</ul>
KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956586787274483051.post-51589526180200906012015-06-08T18:30:00.000-07:002015-06-08T20:24:48.726-07:00Notes from Sandi Metz fireside chat with Women Who CodeThe absolute highlight of my trip to RailsConf this year was an event put on by Women Who Code featuring <a href="https://twitter.com/sandimetz">Sandi Metz</a>! Sandi is a widely respected teacher and consultant in the Ruby community. She really focuses on clear explanations and her talks are set up so that people at all experience levels can get something out of them. And as it turns out, she also has great insights to share about making technical decisions, getting up the courage to start giving talks, and so much more wisdom generally.<br />
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Below are my notes for the session, but WWC actually managed to record the whole thing too! It's an hour and 20 minutes long, but I might even watch it again myself, even though I was there (the person that's kind of loud and asking lots of questions? That was me!)</div>
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Anyway, I tried to clean up my notes and roughly rearrange them by general category.<br />
<br />
Her own background:<br />
<ul>
<li>music student but then into votech school for data processing—this is fun story, you should listen to it</li>
<li>no thought at the time (late 70s) that CS was only for men</li>
<li>There are different types of programmers: she likes understanding the shape of the whole from the details, into abstraction</li>
<li>great for her to partner with Katrina Owen because Katrina is the opposite, derives from the bottom up</li>
</ul>
<br />
Definition for simple code:<br />
<ul>
<li>“the inebriation test” — look at code you didn’t write, after you’ve had a few drinks</li>
<li><b>if you’re really smart, will write simple code</b></li>
<li><b>code that seems inevitable later actually required a lot of time to write</b></li>
<li>sequence diagram on whiteboard first, figure out objects & message</li>
<li>insist that things be simple—refuse to write complex code</li>
<li>leaned Object-Oriented (OO) by writing OO code</li>
<li>hadn’t read literature on it</li>
<li>there are easier ways to learn this: Steve Freeman & Price - Java & testing book, GOOS</li>
<li>Rebecca Wirfs-Borck — single responsibility design</li>
<li>Eric Evans Domain-driven design (PDF short version)</li>
</ul>
<br />
TDD<br />
<ul>
<li>already done design work</li>
<li><b>TDD easy when you know a lot of design</b></li>
<li>sequence diagrams helpful because then rest is implementation detail, don’t have to worry about writing code that you get attached to</li>
<li>TDD: sucked at beginning, now vastly improved code, always find bugs</li>
<li>don’t remember how small objects work, but ok, have tests</li>
<li>tests of the right kind, don’t test everything</li>
<li>believed in people who said TDD was a good idea (they’re lying or otherwise not good enough yet) — bosses would’ve said “good enough” without it</li>
</ul>
<br />
Monoliths vs SOA:<br />
<ul>
<li>lots of revolving door software — don’t have to deal with consequences</li>
<li>but in real world, app will live a long time, app gets bigger</li>
<li>the next shiny thing, not Rails, is coming</li>
<li><b>want to be able to change part of your app to newest thing, without having to port over your entire app</b></li>
<li>big monolithic apps hard to change -> go out of business</li>
<li>breaking up large app without OO into services — will fail</li>
<li>need to isolate bits of app into objects</li>
<li>“find the seams” — then extract into another app</li>
<li>network latency is a problem, but want to get there</li>
<li>edges with clear APIs</li>
</ul>
<br />
Preview of her RailsConf 2015 talk:<br />
<ul>
<li>if is always with an else</li>
<li>even if about that thing, it’s a specialization of that’s also a thing</li>
<li>missing code</li>
<li>objects to embody holes in your code</li>
<li>yin & yang if you have a thing, then model the absence of something. just as real as a thing, need it for good OO design.</li>
<li>“nothing is something” null object pattern</li>
<li><b>like inventing zero, just as real as everything else</b> (this analogy was actually a question from me, that then got a shoutout in <a href="http://us3.campaign-archive1.com/?u=1090565ccff48ac602d0a84b4&id=936623753d&e=8bee1f6072">Sandi's newsletter</a>! I'm still a little giddy about that!)</li>
<li><b>biologically wired to be good at people names</b></li>
<li>yield the block (true) vs ignore the block (false)</li>
<li>if/else without conditionals</li>
<li>true - true yield the block</li>
<li>false - true ignore the block</li>
</ul>
<br />
Writing books:<br />
<ul>
<li>nobody would read POODR while it was being written, hated writing</li>
<li>finding a voice — writing is hard enough without owning your voice, so do it, bend it there</li>
<li>couldn’t do academic tone</li>
<li>well just going to be goofy, didn’t want to write book anyway</li>
<li>new book: 99 bottles, first 2 days of course — join this mailing list!</li>
</ul>
<br />
Coming up with talk ideas:<br />
<ul>
<li>your perfect audience: the you that didn’t know what you know now. past you would be very sympathetic, very grateful</li>
<li>don’t keep from doing things because of people who know more</li>
<li>create content for people who know less</li>
<li>people better than you—motivating to learn, strive</li>
<li><b>there’s someone out there who needs you!</b></li>
<li><b>judge yourself against the right people</b></li>
<li>looking at people’s talks — she’ll help people in Hangouts</li>
<li><b>there’s science about performing under stress like public speaking</b> (“Choke” book)</li>
<li>everyone is terrified the first time, no way to know if you’ll get over it until you try it</li>
<li>don’t judge based on talks at work</li>
<li>don’t decide in advance you can’t do it</li>
<li>“good enough as an explainer & slide-maker” to get across idea</li>
<li>“praise is great but unhelpful” — how to improve?</li>
</ul>
<br />
Making technical decisions:<br />
<ul>
<li>I know I’ll be wrong, don’t have enough data</li>
<li><b>choose the errors that are the easiest to recover from</b></li>
<li>learn to make many small things</li>
<li>then fix it later, err on side of small until you know it’s too small</li>
<li><b>bet that you’re wrong</b></li>
<li>DRY — deciding that 2 things are the same, adding in an abstraction</li>
<li>much easier to deal with duplication</li>
<li>easy to fix problem of finding duplicates</li>
<li>going from 2 (duplicate) -> 3, might decide you have enough information now</li>
<li>but if you know there’ll be 4, duplication for the 3rd item, wait for #4</li>
<li>hard to recover from bad abstraction</li>
</ul>
<br />
Other topics:<br />
<ul>
<li>career advice: <b>commitment to learning over writing 80 hours of code a week</b> — that feels like it’s truth as dominant culture, but only inside the cave</li>
<li>functional programming — immutability, no side effects</li>
<ul>
<li>can write function OO code</li>
<li>book: functional programming for OO programmer</li>
</ul>
<li>create subdirectory namespace under ActiveRecord for models</li>
<ul>
<li>things in model can be plain old Ruby object, to manage business logic</li>
<li>not have concerns in Activerecord, AR just for managing database</li>
<li>drive edges of framework apart</li>
<li>make AR not the center of the universe</li>
</ul>
<li>naming things:</li>
<ul>
<li>use local experts on names, or else have a time box on deciding on names. make a best name you can change later if needed</li>
<li>what story will these names tell to the next person</li>
<li>care about the names</li>
</ul>
<li>“not the last book you’ll read”</li>
<ul>
<li><b>you have a right to be here</b></li>
<li><b>have to help each other believe</b></li>
<li><b>if you’re somewhere invalidating, get outside support or leave</b></li>
<li>can’t fix everything</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<br />KWuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04969442660664176005noreply@blogger.com